Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I are in love, living together — a deeply committed couple who’d like to go travelling. She wants to quickly get married before we do that, “because of less trouble crossing borders.” I think that’s NOT a very romantic reason for getting married!

Now she’s upset and questioning why she’s even “just living” with me! I don’t know what to say. I just don’t want to get married unromantically, for travel’s sake. It’s a feeling deep in my gut. What do you think? — Romantic Canadian Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Romantic Canuck: There are cracks growing in your relationship right now as expressed by your girlfriend, who’s questioning why you’re “just living together.”

Could you do some Canadian exploration together for now, and test out how you travel longer-term as a couple — and then decide on marriage, before you consider leaving the safety of this modern country?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I received an angry, old-fashioned breakup letter from my boyfriend today with “What I should have sent you” printed on the envelope. It was a nasty followup to a kinder text message he sent me the day before with some of his regrets about the two of us and about himself.

This one listed all my faults — social, political, personal and sexual. I guess he had taken time to really dig around in his strange little mind. He’s definitely not short on cutting remarks.

I don’t know which of the two makes me madder. Should I respond to either?

— Shaking My Head, downtown Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I know my mother has a boyfriend. I’m scared to tell my dad who thinks she’s an angel. Dad works out of town five days a week and flies back home to Winnipeg on the weekends. He makes a lot of money and says it’s worth it, but he doesn’t know what he’s lost already — his wife, for sure. And he hardly knows me anymore.

Mom’s away with “a friend” most weeknights until late, so I don’t see her much. Dad comes home on Fridays for the weekends, and mom fakes being the good wife when he’s at home.

But it’s too late for my mom and me to be close when we’re alone at home. I know she’s cheating on my dad. Is my role in this just to shut up? I feel so alone it scares me.

I’m 17, with plans to go to university for a medical career. There’s lots of money from my dad for that and I will live in residence with other students then.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The wife I separated from — the lifelong actor — came back to me recently, saying she was a changed woman. She was looking for a reconciliation. She said she had changed for me. I was lonely and sex-starved, and I bit.

This woman is good onstage in theatre productions, but the character she’s played in our marriage is non-stop manipulator. But I was lonely, and God knows she provides sexual entertainment.

However, in just a few months, this so-called changed woman was just another role she was playing. I finally told her I wanted to get a divorce for real and look for a genuine person next time around. She laughed and said, “After me, you’ll be bored stiff.” To which I said, “Nope, I’ll finally be relieved.”

In university we were both involved in theatre, and going to bed with her was like having a series of different women in my life. But who did I really have in my arms when the lights went out? Who knows who she really was. I can promise you this — only her therapist knows for sure.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a beautiful two-mermaid tattoo on my back that I’m not ashamed of, but I’m not keen on showing it to someone new I’m having sex with because they inevitably want to know the origins of it. It was the result of a relationship I had with a woman five years ago that very sadly ended.

I’m a lesbian, and right now I finally have a great new woman interested in me. The time has come to get really close with someone again, but I’m so tired of women asking about my tattoo. I usually try to gracefully explain it before we take our clothes off. Is that a mistake?

This problem is causing me to put the brakes on new romantic interests. This is where I am for a new job I love, but I’m still lonely. Please help me.

— Mermaid Problem, West End