Don’t let pyjama jibes sour your bedtime bond

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got married in August and my new husband just bought himself old-man striped flannel pyjamas to wear to bed now that it’s getting colder out. He didn’t do this before we were married. What a turn-off. Should I buy him a nightcap as well?

He used to be a sexy guy who just dumped his clothes on the chair beside the bed and jumped in naked.

But last night I watched him come out of the bathroom in a ratty old robe. I thought, “He looks like my grandfather, not my husband.”

I called out sarcastically, “Hey, gramps, are you lost?” and he said, “Not anymore.” Then he walked into the spare bedroom and slept there all night without me. Help.

— Newlywed Blues, Osborne Village

Dear Newlywed: Men have feelings just like women do. If your husband had spotted you in a warm flannel granny gown and insulted you, would you have been excited to jump into bed with him and make mad, passionate love?

You embarrassed your husband, so that was hardly a loving invitation from you. Unfortunately, insults about appearance have a long shelf life if you don’t quickly apologize and try to erase them. So do that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: If my wife doesn’t have an orgasm, she wants to make love a second time right away, so she’s not left frustrated.

But sex is not a track-and-field sport for me and I’m just not ready to go again for some time afterward. So I bought her a new buzzing instrument for orgasm-failure backup.

She laughed and thought it was a joke. If so, it was a very expensive one. Basically, it’s just sitting in the drawer by the bed being ignored by her. Help. I really need to get my eight hours of sleep for my job as I do serious hospital work. Any suggestions for us, sexually?

— Not Her Toy, St. Boniface

Dear Not Her Toy: A hard-working person is in a better situation to make love successfully if it’s not the last event before sleep time or a hurried event before a morning shift. That only leaves mutual days off and weekends for any sex marathons.

So encourage her use of the new toy together at first, then she can use it on her own, especially when you’re busy or over-tired. It could be just the support you need in your love relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The young woman I trained in the spring for a job on the same level as mine has been chosen behind my back by upper management as the new manager of our division.

That’s insulting. I will now be answering to her, and I wasn’t even given a chance to apply for the manager position myself.

The woman has no family and can be the first to get into the office in the mornings and the last to leave at night.

I used to like her well enough, but she got what should have been mine, and I didn’t know a change was even a possibility. Now I’m stuck working for her and have to hide my annoyance. It’s not fair. When she came to this division, I was so friendly and helpful. I taught her everything I knew, thinking she would be working under me soon and would be perfectly trained.

What can a person do if they get passed over and somebody else gets the job you know you should have had? I know she’s going to be picking my brains for help, as I have so much more experience in this area than she does. Help.

— Feeling Cheated, Exchange District

Dear Cheated: This is a good time to start looking for a new job where your experience will be appreciated and financially rewarded. Then you’ll look back on this annoying experience as the spur you needed to get yourself in a better situation. Sometimes people get into a rut and it takes a shock like you have just experienced to kick them out of it.

Instead of complaining to people at work, do some digging and see what related jobs outside this company might offer you real challenge and even excitement, so one day you’ll look back on this upsetting experience and feel happy you got jolted out of it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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