May be whiff of truth to ex’s odour ardour

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into an old boyfriend I used to curl on a team with, and we went for drinks. We’ve been almost eight years apart, and I couldn’t remember why we broke up, as we always had such a great time together.

It wasn’t until the second date — this time on a weekend — that it came back to me, with a jolt. Pee-yew! I remembered he doesn’t use deodorant on weekends. Why? He enjoys his own body odour. I recalled that a bit too late, and it was just as awful as ever! I went home early.

Tonight, he called and I refused him another date. I said, “Think back. You remember why we broke up?” Then he said, “Oh yeah, you hated my no-deodorant weekend policy. Well, guess what? Some women don’t mind!” I said I really doubted that, and that ended the conversation. Miss L., wouldn’t any women find stinky underarms offensive?

— Sensitive Nose, Fort Richmond

Dear Sensitive Nose: Not every human being has the same sensitive sniffer, and not every person’s body gives off the same degree or type of scent. In fact, some people give off little or no scent at all. Also, it should be mentioned, some lucky people can’t detect stinky armpits, even if they’re reeking, while others get it full-on!

Unfortunately, some people, like this old ex-boyfriend of yours, can get used to their own offensive body odour at its worst — and may even enjoy their own stench. If you two are going to start dating again, then this man is going to have to promise he’ll take date-night showers and use deodorant for your comfort.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran totally out of romantic love for my husband the second time I caught him cheating on me.

Why have I stayed until now? I love the lifestyle he affords me — no full-time work needed — and I’m welcome to travel anywhere I want. I’m aware our situation also provides him the freedom and privacy to do whatever he wants with other women. He was good for a long time and didn’t seem to be straying, but now it’s starting to happen again.

This month our marriage feels so empty because I know for sure there’s someone else in his life. I’m even jealous of the time he’s spending with his disgusting first ex-wife and children! I’d love to be out-to-here pregnant myself, but it can’t happen medically for me. I’m confused and don’t know what to do with this mess in my life. Help!

— Feeling Second-Rate, Linden Woods

Dear Second-Rate: You’re wasting time in this relationship. You really can’t afford to lose all pride in yourself! Do you still have a job? If not, it’s time to get one again. Then sock your money away for a good lawyer.

It’s also time to get professional help, to help you decide what you really want. A relationship counsellor could also help you start make a plan for yourself to follow and that could improve your life greatly. Start by seeing your physician to help you connect with a psychologist or relationship specialist.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spotted my old girlfriend from Grade 12 on an airplane, sitting beside a guy who looked familiar. It was the jerk who was always trying to get her to go out with him, while I was dating her. He looked the same as before, minus his hair. They are married now, judging by the big diamond rings.

When she got up to go the bathroom, I was right behind her! We had a great time talking, and I found out where she works and lives, and memorized her phone number. Now, I’m daydreaming about her every day. She seemed interested in me and laughed at all my jokes! My wife never does. Yes, I’m married, but my marriage isn’t going well — haven’t had sex for a long time with my wife. What should I do now?

— Dreaming of Old Girlfriend, Winnipeg

Dear Dreaming: You need counselling help to sort your own relationship out first, before you go running after your old girlfriend. Remember, there’s also a reason you two didn’t stay together, way back when. It’d be a good idea to discuss that fact with this woman, if she calls you up in the near future. Your medical doctor could refer you to a relationship counsellor to help you get your situation on track.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.