Don’t let antics undercut bond

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I are in our early 30s and have been married for eight years. I’m getting tired of her antics and I’m thinking about calling it off now.

She isn’t a bad person, but she’s a mooch. She makes a good salary, but always wants to borrow money from me and gets angry if I grumble.

She also drives me crazy when she talks in a baby voice. When we’re out with friends, she likes to do anime poses and voices. At first, I thought it was cute, but no longer. She’s doing it way too much.

She used to be involved in theatre, but didn’t make it anywhere past high school productions, and it’s obvious why.

Deep down I still love her, but feel constantly embarrassed by the cringey stuff she does. She hasn’t really grown up. I think maybe we just aren’t a good match anymore.

But when I talk to my female friends at work they call me shallow and ask how I would really feel if we broke up. She doesn’t annoy them like she annoys me.

— Enough Cringe Binge, North Kildonan

Dear Cringe Binge: You say you still love this woman, so don’t blow her out the door and then regret it when she won’t have you back.

People who still love each other, but where one of the pair has gotten into an annoying phase, can benefit from professional counselling, both together and solo.

You can tell your concerns to the counsellor privately so you can express the depth of your annoyance.

Then you could see the counsellor together. Your medical doctor will probably be able to recommend a good person for you to see, especially if you don’t want to tell friends and family you’re looking for help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is always choosing his friends over me. He works a lot — more than 40 hours a week — and whenever he has free time he says he wants to spend it with me.

Big talk. Instead, he often texts me while he’s at work to say he’s going out with his buddies instead of me — and it’s getting way worse now that summer’s here.

I just want him to spend fun time with me — the woman who’s supposedly the love of his life. I want us to be going to movies, concerts and plays — all the things we used to do together before we got married. We were once a very busy and happy couple.

Is there else something else going on now? Should I be worried he’s ignoring me and our relationship to see someone else? We’ve only been married one year, and it should have been the best year of our lives, but it definitely wasn’t.

In fact, I’m afraid to get pregnant as we had planned. A part of me wonders if he secretly wants to annoy me so badly that I leave, and then he can get out of the marriage — but I’m afraid to ask.

— Hurting Newlywed, Tuxedo

Dear Hurting: Don’t invite trouble by asking. A lot of couples have their big wedding, and then everything for the following year feels flat — much less exciting than the lead-up to the altar. They wonder if their love has evaporated. It’s usually still there, but in a more muted phase.

So stir it up. The trick to kickstarting a great social life as a couple is not to rely on last-minute plans. For our short but busy Manitoba summers, people can check out newspapers and online listings ahead of time, and note the many possible things to do for practically every day in July and August.

Become a willing social director. Invite your favourite family members and friends over for informal barbecues, take up a summer sport with your husband and make beach visits with fun friends in tow.

Not a good planner? Then festivals may best for you. There are the folk festival, fringe fest and Folkorama, plus towns all around the province host fairs and festivals.

Once you and your husband get into real planning mode for summer 2026, you’ll naturally start feeling more togetherness.

Just be sure to carry out your exciting plans and not let them slide the minute a cloud shows up.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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