Right to see red over dad’s lack of restraint

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently brought my new red-headed girlfriend home for the first time for dinner, and my dad couldn’t stop flirting with her. He wasn’t being a polite and friendly father. I was so upset I took her home early.

When I got back, my dad said, “Why did you take her home so early? I was enjoying that girl!” I said, “Yeah, you sure were, and it was embarrassing!” I took off to my basement bedroom. My mom came downstairs and said, “I’m sorry about what happened tonight. I’ll have a talk with your father. I know what the problem is, but it’d be better if he explained it himself.”

Well, he’s stubborn and he couldn’t or he wouldn’t explain, so the next day, my mom sat me down and explained, “Your father has always had a thing for bright-red hair, like mine. His head still turns if a woman has red hair. He can’t help it. For him it symbolizes being a female warrior, and he loves that image. I love him and I’m happy to be that for him!” Too much information, Mom!

Three weeks have passed now and I still desire my girl but not just because of her hair colour. I feel somewhat embarrassed that I’m like my dad, with his deep attraction to redheads. For him it seems to be a fetish, but for me it’s not! Should I stick with her, or is this weird?

— Not Like My Father, West End

Dear Not Like Father: We can’t really help what features in other people we’re drawn to, but you know there’s much more to this woman that attracts you than simply hair colour. So if things are going well with your new mate, don’t be put off by your dad’s behaviour.

In fact, stubborn or not, your father really owes you and your girlfriend an apology. Remind him in a friendly way he already has the girl of his dreams and he needs to rein himself in and back off yours.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend from university has come back into my life, and we are close and passionate again. I don’t know why I ran away from him. I’m sorry we missed so many years together!

I keep apologizing for breaking up with him years ago, and he keeps saying it’s OK, because he wouldn’t have been able to study and get through school at the rate we were missing classes due to our passionate needs. We’re back together here with established careers now and once again, there’s so much spirit and passion!

My question is, If he doesn’t ask me to live with him or marry him, should I just ask him? I feel I owe it to him to be the one to ask, so he can reject me if he needs to, since I rejected him before.

— Scary Question, Fort Garry

Dear Question: Proposing to someone really shouldn’t come with a tinge of apology. It won’t feel great to the person being asked if that’s what’s coming through.

So before popping the question, get the best professional help you can. See a relationship counsellor alone or together, to work through the pain you caused previously. Then consider the situation you’re now in — a very different story altogether with a big chance for success.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy going to three friends’ weddings in the next month and I don’t have anybody special to take. I’ve lined up “dates” to accompany me, but they’re just friends. It makes me feel like a loser when I’m buying expensive wedding gifts for friends and I don’t have anybody I could call the love of my own life.

I’m in school (seemingly “for life”) to become a doctor, but I’m a bartender for now, on weekends. The trouble is I’m studying or working so much I don’t meet women socially. My best friend is a woman my age from med school and she says I should hire myself out as a bartender for weddings or socials, where I’d meet women who are possibly in wedding mode.

What do you think of that?

—Lonely Bartender, River Heights

Dear Lonely: You don’t have time to flirt much when you’re busy pouring drinks, but you could meet some fun women if you offered workshops on the art of mixing cocktails for events and home parties.

Hot tip: The more skilled you are, and the less you openly flirt, the more you’ll come across as “a little bit hard to get” which can be quite attractive to many!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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