Don’t pretend neighbourly crush is nothing

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/09/2025 (388 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love my wife, but unfortunately, I’m falling for the sweet new woman who’s moved in next door — and is over here visiting all the time. She’s a younger woman coming off a divorce, who bought a little house to fix up.

Sadly, she’s everything I always wanted in a woman — but didn’t marry. Instead, I married a woman who’s in an artistic field and thinks herself sophisticated. That wore out its welcome for me early on.

This new neighbour is fun-loving and sporty like me, with a muscled body from working out and the longest shiny hair right down to her bum.

It’s a struggle not to stare at her. I never went after a girl as hot as this when I was younger, because I didn’t think I stood a chance, but yesterday when I caught her staring at me, she smiled and winked at me. We were flirting — no doubt about it.

Now what? I can’t easily run from her, as she’s quickly become buddies with my wife, but what am I going to say to her? “You’ll have to stop being so friendly, because I’m developing a dangerous crush on you?”

— Headed for Trouble, Transcona

Dear Trouble: When you’re physically attracted to someone and you know it’s problematic, the safest thing you can do is quietly recognize it. You might say to this woman: “I love my wife and don’t want to hurt her, so you won’t be seeing as much of me from now on.” Then walk away and try to stay away as much as possible.

Can’t make yourself do that? Then consult a psychologist or couples’ therapist on your own and vent your feelings. Since your wife is doing nothing wrong, why involve her in this right now? Try to work through it on your own.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is back after working on a project with a local university and he’s acting weird. He shaved off the big, manly country-guy beard I loved, and started wearing mirrored sunglasses. He also bought a giant motorcycle, along with a fancy helmet and all the gear.

I actually laughed the first time he rode up on his motorcycle. I told him he looked like a crazy biker guy in a movie. He took his helmet and glasses off, and then said coldly, “I don’t feel like kissing you after that crack!”

I said, “Well, what do you want me to wear as your biker babe?” and he said, “I bought you a helmet, but I doubt you’ll want that now!” Then he started up his “bike,” and sped off home.

Miss L., I thought I loved this guy deeply when he left for his summer work project, but I felt absolutely nothing when he came back. Truth is, I wasn’t even dying for him to return! It’s not that there’s another guy, but I just knew there were other women for him, from the plucky way he talked to me on the phone from far away. What do you think?

— Can Love Drain Away? St. Norbert

Dear Drain Away: Real love usually has a longer shelf life than one summer, so don’t worry that you’ve lost out on anything big.You had the whole summer to get sick of being left behind, so naturally you felt a little angry and wanted to stick it to him about his “makeover” when he came roaring up.

So, you’ve done that now, and there’s no real reason to talk much more now — unless you two want to hurl another round of insults!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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