Work with Mom to mend mealtime malaise

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our mom was left a pile of money by my Dad. She’s a terrific cook and baker — and a frustrated cook. Why? Because she stayed home to have kids instead of continuing as a chef.

That’s our big problem now. On the excuse she’s keeping us healthy, she cooks and bakes for the three of her “kids” while we’re away working at our summer jobs. (We’re between 18 and 22, and all at university together.)

When we get home, she serves us these great big nutritious meals, capped off by fancy and fattening desserts. Then she sends us off in the morning with giant bagged lunches that involve her newly-crafted pastries. My co-workers are so jealous.

All three of us have summer jobs that involve mostly sedentary computer work — and we’ve been gaining weight over the last three months.

We had a group talk with Mom more than a month ago about her part in this issue, and she looked like we’d stabbed her in the heart! She went dead cold and said, “Well, then go ahead and cook your lighter meals for yourselves. I quit!”

Miss L., we’re not doing a great job of cooking for ourselves or packing decent lunches. Nobody’s eating dinner together anymore either, which we now realize was one of the fun things about Mom cooking for us every night.

I eat takeout the car now on my way home. My younger brother just stands over the sink and gobbles big sandwiches he makes. My sister often skips dinner altogether and says, with a sandwich in her hand, “I’ll eat more later, when I’m out.”

We’re all looking a little heavier and unhealthier, and we don’t see each other at regular dinners, so we don’t feel as close. Help us, please! Our dear departed dad must be looking down and shaking his head.

— Unhealthy Trio, Tuxedo

Dear Unhealthy: When a parent dies, one of the hazards is getting mad at the people left behind to justify letting some of the anger and hurt out. Grieving family members have to be careful they don’t do this with one another.

Ask Mom if you could create a healthier version of recent months, with mom as chef again and tasty meals designed to get everybody back into healthier shape.

Start by bandaging the wound! Tell your mother you’re sorry you hurt her after all her cooking and baking efforts, and that you really miss dining together, and will start working out so you can handle her culinary creations.

Ask if she’d also consider inventing some nutritious low-cal meals that would help the family waistline. If she’d consider substituting fresh summer fruits and berries for fancy desserts, you could source them at local markets for her.

And what about starting an easy exercise program as a family. Start walking, running or biking together with family for half an hour after dinner. Invite Mom to join you, if and when she feels like it, and you “kids” could even chip in to buy her a cool bike.

The four of you could end up much happier with one another and it will feel like you’ve become a more of a grown-up team. Dad would have wanted that!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just started having sex with my new woman and I’m disappointed. Frankly, I don’t like her female-dominant style. I prefer to alternate, but only if necessary. I told this to her last night and she just rolled her eyes at me.

What does that even mean? I told her as much and she shot back, “Figure it out, Einstein!” I got up and went home. Is there any hope for us?

— Big Guy, East Kildonan

Dear Big Guy: You want male dominance with a little female dominance thrown in — but only when you want it! That wouldn’t make you two a good match for very long. It’s good to find this out now though, as there are many women who prefer male dominance, and that would suit you better.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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