Lots to unpack before heading home from lake

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We had the worst family fight ever at the lake recently, and half our big family has gone home early! I organized all kinds of indoor and outdoor games in July — even a tennis tournament — and the scared relatives and neighbours just told me, “Sorry, too much smoke — not coming out!” and sat inside playing on their screens.

Like me, they were also watching other people pack up early to go home and get ready for school, so I finally thought, “Why not go home, too?”

But here’s the shock! I’ve just confirmed a rumour that my husband has been seen “around” with another woman in the city — and they are very cosy. He’s with an old “friend” of mine I haven’t seen in years. I want to smack my man in the face!

I feel terrible hearing it all, but I think I still love the jerk. What should I do?

— Everything Hurting, Grand Beach area

Dear Hurting: Your children might be sad to leave the lake early, but the smoke in the air is the perfect excuse for you to pack them up. Get home to your unguarded territory and your very-likely straying husband.

Just announce to the kids you’re leaving when you’re starting to pack and allow them one last day at the beach, if it’s not too smoky. If they demand to know why, tell them you’re “not feeling well with the air quality.” And you aren’t, at least emotionally.

Get a personal counsellor set up for yourself and also a couples’ counsellor for both you and your husband, for as soon as you can once you’re back on home territory. There are painful times ahead, and you don’t need them to be worse than necessary, especially with the kids having to head back to school in just a few weeks.

However, you have to know when to quit a bad situation — and to possibly face an even worse situation, if necessary. This could be it.

Make sure to warn your husband you’re coming home early, so there isn’t a shock sex scene to greet you and the kids at your house!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I gained almost 50 pounds after getting married to the wrong woman, and now I’m taking it off before leaving her. She knows something is up. She acts like she doesn’t even like me anymore, and she doesn’t even touch me. The only woman I see — other than those at work — is my weightlifting instructor, and she’s married to another woman.

My question for you is this: Should I leave my wife now, or wait until I’m really built and looking hot? She thinks I’m doing this to impress her and although she doesn’t love me, it’s puffing up her ego. I don’t have another woman in my life yet, but I’m afraid if I leave my wife I might start overeating because of the loneliness and gain all the weight back. Also, my religion doesn’t allow me to cheat. Please advise.

— Former Heavyweight, West End

Dear Former Heavyweight: Never mind inadvertently impressing your disinterested wife with your new physique before ditching her. This breakup is about much more than that. You really don’t care for the woman, and it seems you just want to hurt her before leaving.

Why not see a relationship counsellor and get everything out on the table? Then you can make an honest break with your wife. But even then, keep seeing the counsellor to further work on yourself. The idea is to get yourself into good shape emotionally and then build a new circle of friends who have shared interests with you. Then you will be much happier in your life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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