Take smoke signals for what they are and move on

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My summer romance is choking on the smoke!

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/08/2025 (389 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My summer romance is choking on the smoke!

Is this to be expected in our freakish fire situation, or are we just not suited to each other? I’m about ready to throw in the towel.

Here’s what happened. My new guy and I were falling in love quickly in June, so we rented a little cottage together for July and August, optimistically thinking the wildfire situation would clear up.

What a sad joke! We have rarely been able to stay at the lake more than two or three days running because of the smoke.

So, we gave up our cottage early, to another couple we know, for the rest of our August rental period. Hopefully they have stronger, healthier lungs than we do.

Smoke really kills the fun of a new romance, because you can’t go anywhere together. We were getting really sick of each other, to be truthful. He is a whiny pessimist, and I am always the cheerful optimist.

On days when it was so smoky it was questionable if we’d stay at the lake one more night, I’d say, “OK, let’s just close the windows tight and block around the doors, and stay inside and play board games tonight!” He’d scowl and get way too quiet. I knew he just wanted to jump in the car, and head back to the city.

Most couples don’t get “tested” so hard and so early in their relationship, but our reality is we’ve had one argument after another. Frankly, his scowling has gotten on my nerves more than the smoke!

Is this happening to everybody, or is it a personal difference between us that can never be resolved?

— Smoked Out, North Kildonan

Dear Smoked Out: Two optimists usually do well together. Oddly, two pessimists can also do well playing “Ain’t it awful” and complaining about everything.

But, optimists and pessimists, like you two, can get on each other’s nerves. The optimist tries to buoy both people up and feels crushed by the weight of the response of the pessimist — more sulking, more negativity.

You two opposites are actually lucky to experience the true other early on, and in an extreme situation. You get a forecast of what marriage might be like, when things get difficult. It doesn’t matter how many common activities you both enjoy in good times, it’s how you react in the hard times that will forecast how you do long-term.

Partnered with a strong and optimistic person like yourself, you could really fly! So, let go of this sad relationship and look to a better future with a happy, hopeful guy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I lost my wife to cancer after a difficult battle. She’s “free” now and I try to comfort myself with that. But now I stand to lose my daughter, too.

She’s furious I’m dating the closest friend of my wife, and she’s hinting strongly that we must have been cheating behind her sick mother’s back to be a new couple so soon after her death.

Miss L., it was a long painful illness, and it hurt everybody watching it happen. By the time my wife died I was praying for the mercy of release, for her.

She even told me to start looking for a new wife, because I was such a loving man! What do I say to my upset daughter now? I can’t imagine telling her that!

— Painful Mess, Westwood

Dear Painful Mess: Both you and your wife’s best friend need to talk to your daughter privately, and that will take courage.

Be aware that you and your new mate cannot present as a duo to try to work this out with your daughter. Just the visual of you two standing together as a new couple would send her right up the wall.

You need to explain to your daughter — when you’re alone — how much you loved her mother and how much you will always miss her. Assure her this new situation was just a friendship while her mom — the great love of your life — was still alive. Your daughter needs to know there was never any competition between this woman and her mother.

But now, you and your wife’s friend are both alone, and finding some comfort in being together. Give your daughter the emotional space to reject this speech from you — for a time, at least — and sort it out over coming weeks.

In the meantime, continue with this woman friend, but don’t overtly act like a new romantic couple. Forget any public affection. In time, things will feel a lot less painful for everybody. Then one day, you can possibly think about marrying your late wife’s friend. Now is definitely not the time, no matter how lonely and sad you may feel.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Beware invasive, ‘frightening’ waterhemp

Laura Rance-Unger 4 minute read Preview

Beware invasive, ‘frightening’ waterhemp

Laura Rance-Unger 4 minute read Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

There’s a threat lurking on the edge of Manitoba farmers’ fields this fall that’s even scarier than the escalating trade war with their biggest customer.

Provincial extension advisers are warning farmers to watch for a weed known as “tall waterhemp,” which, true to its name, may already be towering above ready-to-harvest crops.

Those wispy tentacles waving in the breeze look pretty innocuous from a distance. But this highly invasive member of the pigweed family produces hundreds of thousands of seeds that are just itching for dispersal through farmers’ combines and across their fields.

Each of those tiny seeds — one small pill container filled halfway holds 44,000 — can produce plants with stems the width of saplings and heights of two to five metres. One or two plants can quickly turn into a patch. If waterhemp takes over a field, it can choke out the growing crop and cut yields by more than 90 per cent.

Read
Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

Of frogs, roses, kings and a Great Lake

Editorial 4 minute read Preview

Of frogs, roses, kings and a Great Lake

Editorial 4 minute read Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, as the saying goes. Basically, if you change something’s name, you don’t actually change the nature of the thing.

That being said, if even 15 years ago an American president had called an entire news conference to announce he was renaming one of the Great Lakes by writing on a map with a red pen and issuing an executive order purporting to rename Lake Ontario as “Lake America,” all and sundry would question his mental health.

Maybe, after witnessing so much from Donald Trump, we’ve all just been hardened off and the foolish is now expected daily. Perhaps it’s the political equivalent of the fable of the boiling frog.

As the fable goes, drop a frog into a pot of boiling water and it will jump right out. But put the frog in room temperature water and bring the pot to a boil, the frog will stay until its death. (It’s unlikely the frog would actually wait.)

Read
Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

Main Street Project to expand to former Mitchell Fabrics building

Ryan Thorpe 4 minute read Preview

Main Street Project to expand to former Mitchell Fabrics building

Ryan Thorpe 4 minute read Tuesday, Sep. 25, 2018

The Main Street Project is moving on up.

The shelter’s administration finalized the purchase of the former Mitchell Fabrics building at Main Street and Logan Avenue on Sept. 21, a move that will revolutionize the services the facility offers to the city’s chronically homeless and addicted.

“It’s still very fresh for us, and we’re very excited. This is probably the first significant shelter, mental health and addictions support expansion of this size in the last 30 years for Winnipeg,” Main Street Project executive director Rick Lees said.

The purchase is the culmination of efforts that began two years ago, when the agency did long-term planning to identify the biggest hurdles it faced moving forward. One key challenge identified was lack of space.

Read
Tuesday, Sep. 25, 2018

White eyes curtain call as Kim preps for another Olympic run

Will Graves, The Associated Press 5 minute read Preview

White eyes curtain call as Kim preps for another Olympic run

Will Graves, The Associated Press 5 minute read Thursday, Jan. 13, 2022

Snider was a brief, shining light during his time with the Jays. It’s a shame that he never became all that we hoped he would be on the field, Mike Wilner writes.

Read
Thursday, Jan. 13, 2022

Judy Blume’s life and writerly output for readers of all ages explored in hefty biography

Reviewed by Bev Sandell Greenberg 3 minute read Preview

Judy Blume’s life and writerly output for readers of all ages explored in hefty biography

Reviewed by Bev Sandell Greenberg 3 minute read Saturday, May. 9, 2026

Readers who grew up in the 1970s and ’80s will remember Judy Blume as the acclaimed American children’s author whose fiction offered a frank approach to taboo subjects such as menstruation, divorce, wet dreams and teenage sex. Blume’s books not only changed the face of middle-grade and teen literature, they also sold more than 90 million copies in 32 languages in the past five decades. Now 88, Blume is the subject of Mark Oppenheimer’s thought-provoking, well-researched biography.

A longtime Blume aficionado, Oppenheimer previously wrote five non-fiction books. He has a PhD from Yale in religious studies and lives in Connecticut.

Oppenheimer’s succinct, lucid narrative consists of 31 chapters. The opening pages deal with Blume’s early life. Born Judith Maria Sussman in 1938, she grew up in a Jewish middle-class family in Elizabeth, N.J., moving with her family to Miami for two years because of her older brother’s illness before returning to New Jersey.

The next several chapters follow Blume’s first marriage in 1959, at age 21, through motherhood in 1961 and her early stabs at finding her creative footing. After a few false starts in drawing, felt art and songwriting, she finally took a night course in children’s writing in 1967 — and then, for two years, collected rejection slips.

Read
Saturday, May. 9, 2026

Winnipeg woman among those mourned after shooting rampage

Sarah Lawrynuik 7 minute read Preview

Winnipeg woman among those mourned after shooting rampage

Sarah Lawrynuik 7 minute read Tuesday, Apr. 21, 2020

One of the presumed victims of Nova Scotia’s deadly weekend rampage is being remembered as a kind and gentle soul by those who knew her during her childhood in Winnipeg.

(Elizabeth) Joanne Thomas, 58, and her husband John Zahl, 69, are presumed dead following the events of the weekend in Portapique, N.S. Their home was burned to the ground, but their bodies have not yet been located and identified by authorities.

The nation was left reeling by the deadly events of the weekend, during which a man impersonating an RCMP officer shot multiple people and burned homes in a rampage across the Maritime province. By Tuesday afternoon the death toll had risen to 23 people. The alleged shooter, identified by police as Gabriel Wortman, 51, was killed after being intercepted by police in Enfield, N.S.

“It’s unbelievable that with all the crappy people in this world, that their family is one to get hit like this. It doesn’t even make sense, and we’ll probably never know what happened,” said Jeanine Remillard, from her Winnipeg home.

Read
Tuesday, Apr. 21, 2020