Don’t dive head-first into cottage-country crush

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 21 and living at my parents’ cottage and working in the nearest town. I am a city boy by birth, but I’m definitely a nature lover at heart. I can happily get lost on adventures in the bush and soon I will have cleared enough underbrush and weeds to start our garden out here to grow all kinds of things. My mom says I must have been a farmer in another life.

Last weekend, another young guy from the area wandered over while walking through the bush. I was lonely, so I invited him to sit down and chat while I planted. Instead, he offered to actually help me plant the fruit-bearing bushes.

Then he called his sister, who was following his path, to come and meet me as well. I wasn’t expecting her to be older than him — and so hot.

Now I can’t sleep at night and I’m wondering, will this guy hate me if I go after his sister?

— Smitten, Whiteshell

Dear Wanting Her: Whoa. It depends what you mean by “go after.” You better rein in your obvious enthusiasm and be more respectful, my friend.

Yes, it can get lonely out in the bush, but you will never see that guy’s sister again if her brother sniffs too much animal attraction from you. How about bringing some male and female friends out to the cabin on weekends, so it’s not just you and your hungry heart wanting to dazzle the first woman you’ve seen in a while?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a male high school teacher and have had a crush on a beautiful female teacher all year.

Now that school is nearing its end, my graduating students — older boys who have noticed my reactions to her — are making sly comments. Apparently, I’m that obvious.

My friends at work just laugh, especially since the woman I like is actually a lesbian in a secret relationship with a woman.

Since I am going to be back at my school teaching in the fall, I need some help to get past this craziness ASAP so I can enjoy my life this summer. What can I do?

— Can’t Win for Losing, Winnipeg

Dear Losing: You know what this workmate’s sexual orientation is, so you know your crush is going nowhere — that should be enough to detour you from this road to nowhere.

Knowing of this young woman’s love and happiness with her mate, and accepting it, will also help cool your unrequited romantic feelings for her for good.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The first bonfires of May used to be a real turn-on for my husband and me at our cottage, but not this year. I find I’m having to fake my desire for him. Unfortunately for him, I’m deeply in lust with someone else. Sex is totally different with my secret new man — I’ve never experienced such intensity. He’s living in my head, heart and body 24-7, and I daydream about him constantly. It’s become an obsession.

My husband is not stupid. He’s been giving me funny looks and asking pointed questions. He knows something has gone wrong between us this year, and he watches me sadly as I get dressed in the morning.

I fly away in my car early on any excuse. I can’t help myself — I’m that drawn to my new love.

However, in quiet moments, I realize this new attraction could burn me badly. It’s such a scary time in my life. Help me please.

— Living Dangerously, Transcona

Dear Living Dangerously: You know this is not just about you, and why wouldn’t your husband take a chance on an affair himself, especially now the loyalty standards of your marriage have drastically fallen?

You might ask your husband if he would like to have an open marriage, so nobody is hiding things anymore, but most people likely wouldn’t go for that option. Some agree to be each other’s “most important lover” and see other people casually, but that normally only works for a short time period, even for lightly attached couples, as it can be an insulting position to be in and it can be hard to rein in deepening feelings for the extramarital lovers.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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