Best to dispense with ‘debt’ to pushy ex

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This article was published 23/11/2024 (707 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night was my birthday and my recent ex-boyfriend left a present on my family’s front lawn for me — an expensive bicycle. My younger brother spotted it from our living room window.

My ex-boyfriend was waiting in his truck, which was idling in front of the house next door. I could hear his music playing out the vehicle windows.

He knew I had desperately wanted a certain bike last summer and had been saving hard for it. I just didn’t have enough money by the end of the season to buy it.

When I saw the fancy bike on our lawn with wrapping paper and ribbons on the handlebars, I phoned my to ask him what he thought he was doing.

He said, “I left you a birthday present without bothering you. Go get it before somebody steals it.”

I had to do something about that, so my brother and I went out and brought the bike into the house.

I did not go to my ex’s truck and make up with him as he thought I would. I’m done with that manipulator. I don’t want to hurt him and will always care about him, but that’s about it.

So what should I do now? He insists he wants me to keep the bike. I do love it, but then what do I owe him?

— Mixed-Up Birthday Girl, Charleswood

Dear Mixed-Up: This ex-boyfriend sounds like a lovesick hound. Yes, he was definitely trying to buy you back, but you mustn’t let him do that. Instead, you might give him what you’ve saved to this point for the bike and ask your parents to lend you the money for the difference. Then, you can pay your mom and dad back over the winter months.

Too complicated? If you’re realizing right now you want no strings attached with your ex or your parents — call the guy right now and give the bike back. Then buy it on your own next year and really enjoy it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I split up amicably, but the problem is the relationship is recently feeling suspiciously good. The power struggle is over, and we’ve stopped fighting. Now we sit around and laugh when I bring the kids home from a visit. It’s like it used to be before we were married.

Also, she’s lost the 50 pounds or more she gained when we were married. She looks like her old self again, which is very attractive. Last night I actually felt turned on looking at her.

Now what? We can’t live together in harmony — quite the opposite. She annoys me and I annoy her when in close quarters.

So what can I do about these sexual feelings coming back? I don’t know if she’s feeling them, too.

I never let my body go when we were married, so I look just the same. My constant fitness routines were never any kind of turn-on for her. In fact, it made her feel pressure to lose the weight she gained by embracing exercise. Please advise.

— Weirdly Attracted, East Kildonan

Dear Weirdly Attracted: You talk about being turned on by your ex-wife’s “new“ body, but you don’t mention feeling any renewed warmth and love. Could it be you married your ex for the way she looked in the beginning, as well as for the sex and laughter?

Your relationship with your ex-wife seems to be that of co-parents and friends who get along fine but there’s no natural romance. If attraction doesn’t go deeper than sex and laughter, it can wear off quick and sometimes be replaced with disgust and hostility. Accept the fact you two are not a good match when you dig deeper than friendliness.

It’s time to find yourself a new woman to love who is naturally and regularly athletic, as are you. If the warmth, friendliness, respect and sexual attraction are also there, you could finally have it all.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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