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This article was published 20/11/2024 (634 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at a store doing some early Christmas shopping when I ran into a friend and his wife. She came up and blew in my ear — and that sent me straight back to my college days when she used to do that to shy guys like me.

She’s still bold and annoying, but she always had a lot of single girlfriends and still does. I’m too single and very lonely these days.

Then she asked if I could please come to a hot tub party at their new place, which also has a pool. She said she has a lot of new single girlfriends she doesn’t know what to do with. How could I say no?

I almost did, though, as I’m shy and hate pool parties, but then I heard myself saying, “Yes, I’d love to come.”

This party hostess is a wild one and wouldn’t be above having a crazy party. That makes me a bit apprehensive about one possibility. I’m thinking I may have innocently agreed to a nude-in-the-pool event.

If so, what’s the etiquette for undressing at these things?

— Shy But Interested, North Kildonan

Dear Shy But Interested: Shy guys are a sweet challenge to some people at hot-tub events, which will be perfect for you. You don’t have to do anything, except show up in your bathing suit and towel, get in the hot tub, and be pleasant. You don’t even have to be nude.

One warning, though: Smart people (like you) should always find out who the bonded couples are before these types of events, so they don’t get into any trouble. Your hostess owes you that much information, so contact her ahead of time and ask her to fill you in about the sexual politics in this group.

If you feel antsy and want to leave early, your hostess is the only one you need to tell. Then you just slip off quietly, get dressed, call a ride and sneak out the door.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wealthy grandmother, who is long-estranged from my mom and living far away, has been calling recently. Mom just ignores most of her attempts at contact, but this morning I was daydreaming at the kitchen table when the landline rang, and I hastily picked it up. It was Gran, or “Red” as she’s known for her red hair, like mine.

When I answered there was silence first, and then she started talking about finally talking to my mom after losing her for years and how my mom still wouldn’t let her talk to me. We had a great chat.

I’m 18 and my grandmother’s favourite grandkid. She immediately told me she would love for me to come and live with her. She said she would pay for my university and educational travel if I wanted. However, my mom has warned me before, saying, “That old biddy isn’t above buying people, but she can’t buy you and me.”

My mom was right. Gran is going for me now. She’s flying to Winnipeg in December to visit friends and some family who still talk to her. She’s asked me to pick her up at the airport and drive her to her hotel. Should I do it, knowing my mom will be against it?

— Young Red, East Kildonan

Dear Young Red: You are of age and old enough to drive your grandmother around, but your poor mom will be nervous and sweating it, and warning you not to listen to Gran’s offers. So, why not solve the problem by inviting your mom on the ride from the airport to the hotel?

Before that, you need to ask your mom to talk to you adult-to-adult and tell you the whole story of the multiple family estrangements. If she won’t talk, ask your aunts or uncles to fill you in.

Should you accept any invitations from your grandmother to visit her on her turf, make sure you have your own paid-for ticket home. Let her know you’ll use it if necessary. Pushy people like your grandmother will just smile at your wisdom.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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