Don’t get your hopes up after brash intrusion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/11/2024 (722 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to my ex-girlfriend’s door a little later on Halloween night, because I wanted to see her little kids more than anything! Her boys and I had been close, and I knew they’d be home, going through their pillowcases full of candy. I also brought special treats for them I knew they’d love.

The oldest boy answered the door, still in his costume, and quickly pulled me in. The two kids were sorting their candy on the dining room table. They said their mom was “upstairs doing something.” I just needed a bit of the family feeling again, so I sat down with them as they sort through their treat piles.

Then the boys yelled for my ex to come down and see me. She came running! Then I heard a rumble behind her on the stairs and a big guy with serious “bed head” came down behind her.

I saw the oldest boy give his little brother a “look” that meant, “Uh-oh, Here comes trouble!” I stood up quietly and extended my hand to the guy, offering my name. Loverboy just snorted at me, and left my hand dangling.

Then my ex said to me, too loudly, “Well, it was nice of you to bring Halloween candy for the kids. I’m sure you have a busy night ahead of you. Bye now!”

The kids burst out crying, “We want him to stay! Let him stay!” The new boyfriend took one look at all of us, and then left the house, slamming the door.

My ex yelled at me, “Look what you’ve done!” I was trying to hide a grin. I finally left, just as she started throwing candies at me. Some things never change!

I don’t know where to go from here, but I really want that hot-tempered woman and her kids back. Help me please!

— Loving and Missing Them, Fort Rouge

Dear Loving and Missing: It took a lot of nerve for you to burst in on that Halloween family scene — uninvited and unwanted by your ex.

You neglect to say why you got kicked out of the relationship. Liquor or drugs may not be involved, but your colossal “nerve factor” makes one suspicious.

You should face the fact that while you may still be very popular with the kids, that’s not a certain ticket back into the family, especially if you were the big problem.

If you want a little family of your own, you may need add something new to the equation — like counselling and perhaps some detoxing so you can start fresh with a new partner and maybe embark on a family of your own.

For now, you must accept you blew this relationship and leave this woman and her family alone, and strive to make your next relationship a real success.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate November, and I admit to having a bad attitude.

This fall my physician gave me some “happy pills” for the depression I tend to feel, and I started taking them a month ago. My closest friend is stoked about the difference in me, and has invited me to go to Mexico with her this winter for two weeks. However, I’m still kind of anxious. What if I get my passport and go, and then I hate it and need to come back home? She’ll hate me!

— Nervous Traveller, North River Heights

Dear Nervous: On a first try at vacationing far away with a friend, try to book with three or more people in a group, so you can fly home if you’re not feeling comfortable. That way you won’t leave your close friend stranded by herself.

So, ask your buddy who she’d like to travel with in a little group so she’s still left with a pal if you should panic, and fly home early.

As an alternative, you might just book your trip for one week, while the others in your group book for two — if that will make you feel more comfortable. It’s better to go home from a vacation wanting more, than to be stuck where you hate it, feeling homesick and panicky, and bringing down the mood of your travelling companions.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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