Don’t put too much stock in ‘destiny’ with ex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/11/2024 (722 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Three nights ago I got a call from a friend telling me my favourite lover from six years ago is suddenly single again! It seemed like fate, because the very next day I ran into a second friend who also knew him and knew of our affair.

She told me she’d heard he was living in Thunder Bay and was depressed because his wife had just left him. She thought I’d laugh about my ex-love and his downfall. But no, I still love him and I realized those two conversations with friends just might have been inspired by the universe.

Should I let my former lover know I’d be willing to make the drive to Thunder Bay to see him? I will always love him.

— Dying to See Him, Silver Heights

Dear Dying: It’s highly unlikely your two friends’ messages were a double signal from the universe to get in contact again. So, be careful and don’t get too excited, as this ex-lover has just been rejected by his wife and may still be hoping she’ll take him back.

At least give the separation a month or two, and then you might hazard an experimental call. He might be willing to be “friends” with you again — if he’s into online romancing or travelling to visit you. But don’t expect too much, as he had a chance before to be your serious love partner, and didn’t choose to take that route.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 23 and have been back living with my mother for the past year. In that time, I’ve become aware she has a woman friend who is actually her lover.

With me living here, I’m sure it limits her relationship with her lady friend. They only live a few blocks away from one another. Should I tell Mom I know what’s going on with her, romantically?

— Want to Relax, Transcona

Dear Want to Relax: It would ease the situation considerably if you told your mom you’re aware of her romantic relationship with her friend. If you can’t say it easily, buy or create a nice card and tell your mom that way you know what’s going on when she goes to stay with her girlfriend. Make sure to clearly let her know you’re absolutely fine with that! She’ll feel a lot better — and so will you — once the truth is out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy, and I love dancing so much I find every excuse to go out dancing in the city.

I’d also love to take real dance lessons for the stage, but I’m shy. My former girlfriend did all kinds of dancing and took real lessons. I used to practise with her a bit, but now we’ve gone on our different paths.

I really need to keep dancing! I have an idea where I could sign up, but I need more courage. Should I ask my old girlfriend to help me, when I know I don’t want her back, except as a friend?

— Desperately Need to Dance, Tuxedo

Dear Need to Dance: Many ex-partners are still willing to help former lovers in situations and areas where they have greater knowledge and important contacts. Ask your old girlfriend to help you make a list of places and contacts to help you seriously get into the dancing world in Winnipeg. Since you’re shy, ask her to assist you in making some phone calls to get you started in meeting all the right people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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