Be grateful, not guilty, over crazy-generous kin

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/09/2024 (693 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new wife and I both have crazy relatives living in Alberta, and we both try to tolerate our own family weirdos.

She and I met in Manitoba at the beginning of the summer, fell crazy-in-love and got married on the hottest weekend of August. It was a quickly organized wedding, with a dozen close friends at a fun dinner — with no relatives flying in .

But we were both curious about one another’s families, so we decided to do a late-summer road-trip honeymoon and started meeting our respective relations.

Both families left us shaking our heads — certifiably wacky — but they sure are generous.

We didn’t want anything from them and now we’re getting some embarrassingly big gifts. We feel guilty and don’t know what to do. My own parents will be insulted if we send their cheque back. Now my wife’s parents want to give us a car, which is almost new. At the moment, we only have an old truck we share.

I already feel bad not for not inviting any of these people to our wedding and we sure don’t feel comfortable taking gifts this big, even though we could use them. What do you suggest?

— Guilty Newlyweds, Winnipeg

Dear Guilty: Ponder this possibility: maybe the relatives didn’t particularly want to travel to Manitoba for a tiny wedding attended by a few of your closest friends.

As for accepting the gifts they want to give, why not take them and be grateful? The cash will come in handy in many ways. You can write all your relations to say thanks and name things you bought for your household with the monetary gifts.

As for the small second-hand car, those folks are getting a big kick out of helping you and keeping you safe, so let them.

If you get a couple of years out of the car and then give it up, nobody’s going to be upset. Why not enjoy the safe new wheels and the cash gift?

There’s no reason to be miserable about this and reject the gifts the families are enjoying giving to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: September has arrived and my need to travel has returned full-force. I need to take off like I need to breathe — and I need to go on my own.

I’m an older single and have always been this way. I started travelling solo and going on adventures when I was 21. It has ended more than one relationship.

I must have been an explorer in another life — a sailor, and most likely a sea captain. I love to map out new territories. It’s in my blood, and I crave it. I’m not looking for women on my trips.

The problem is this year I’ve fallen in love. My girlfriend is extremely upset I’m not breaking my pattern and asking her to go travelling with me.

She doesn’t understand I need to go off by myself. I love remote corners of the world where there are no luxuries. Call me a weirdo, but I just don’t want someone else tagging along.

I own a successful business and have a right-hand man and woman who do all the sales and shipping for me while I’m away. I will come back in a few months ready to settle down again. It’s just the way I am.

I’m writing because I’m now 41, and this is the first woman I really can’t stand the thought of losing.

She is extremely upset I still want to go away when I have everything with her and “our love is so perfect.”

How do I explain to someone that I have a passionate love for something other than another human being? What can I do to keep her while I’m away?

— Worried Explorer, northern Manitoba

Dear Explorer: Since you don’t want to lose the love of your life, consider flying her to you midway through your next trip when you hit civilization for supplies.

After a beautiful week on land, take her out on a boat to rough it for a week. That might be quite enough to convince her she doesn’t like that kind of extended holiday.

If you have no desire even to try this, then you may have to break up before you leave and truly go off on your own.

The trouble is, you’re deeply in love, my friend. Knowing you have lost this woman before you venture off into the unknown might leave you heartsick and spoil this year’s journey for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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