No need to honour dad’s grudge beyond the grave

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This article was published 09/09/2024 (703 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wealthy father died recently while my wife was in Europe. He left everybody a hefty amount of money except for my wife because he couldn’t stand her. But he cleverly gave me double my portion so I could dole it out as I saw fit.

Of course, he always hoped I would divorce my wife. She’s opinionated and difficult, but I love her. Should I share the money with my whole family, or just give the whole half to my wife?

— In a Spot, North End

Dear Spot: You’re married to your life partner, not your dad who is gone. So even things up as your dad knew you would anyway and don’t continue on with your dad’s grudge. Split it in half, and give your wife her nice big stash and make her happy. You have to know your dad expected that, even though he was a curmudgeon to the end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My longtime friend recently broke up with his girlfriend and asked me to be his plus-one for a wedding he was invited to. I recently moved back to Winnipeg and thought this might be a great night out, being a single woman here at home again.

Imagine my surprise when I recognized the bride from a brief fling I had with her in my college days. It got rather awkward when I was introduced in the reception line and her eyes flew wide open. The bride leaned over and gave me a too-tight hug and whispered, “Keep your mouth shut.”

Wow, what a slap. I didn’t expect her to be so prissy. Obviously, she wants our experiment to be a secret, but why treat me like something dirty? Who cares about the it anyway? I had almost forgotten about it because she was forgettable as a sex partner. I feel sorry for her groom.

Tell me, why did she do that to me?

— Post-Wedding Thoughts, Selkirk

Dear Post-Wedding Thoughts: The bride suddenly felt insecure when she saw you and immediately flashed back to your sex scenes from long ago. She obviously neglected to mention her woman-on-woman dalliance to her groom and she didn’t want the first mention of it to be at her wedding.

She should have kept quiet and said a pleasant hello when she saw you in the greeting line. There was no risk. Most people don’t chat about experimental flings from the past, and certainly not in wedding lineups. Truth be told, a lot of men (like her husband) might have gotten a kick out of hearing about that kind of fling without feeling threatened.

Don’t waste another minute worrying about it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My woman and I didn’t ever really break up three months ago. The imaginary bridge between us just wore out and we fell through and came apart. We used to talk about the gaps between us getting bigger.

So why didn’t we stop and repair what was going wrong? Neither one of us seemed to have had the energy. We just came apart and never had any talks about fixing things.

Yesterday I ran into her. She was walking with a new guy looking perfectly happy, pointing at things in the sky and laughing. I felt tears stinging in my eyes. That used to be us.

Why didn’t we fix things when we knew the relationship needed repairing?

— Feeling Sad and Guilty, Birds Hill

Dear Sad and Guilty: Perhaps you needed to build a brand-new relationship bridge with somebody else created out of patience, hopes, dreams and new experiences. Maybe you two both needed new partners and it wasn’t anybody’s fault.

Now you have that chance again, so stop looking back over your shoulder. Start looking in front of you for a new person and new bridges to build that you will tend more carefully this time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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