Disrespectful writing’s on the wall: it’s all over

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/01/2024 (931 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I caught my girlfriend in bed texting her ex the other night, and it turns out she has been doing it for months. She promised she would stop, and threw her phone at the wall for emphasis.

In that moment, I think I wanted to believe her. I wanted to stop dealing with that upsetting situation, especially since we were in bed together. But now, I can’t get it out of my head.

If she’s been texting him, what is the likelihood she’ll stop? What are they even talking about, after their breakup? I bet this guy is laughing at me, particularly when it’s so late and we’re in bed together.

I haven’t been in a lot of relationships and I don’t know if this is forgivable or if things even have a chance at working out long-term now. What do you think?

— Disappointed and Hurt, Whyte Ridge

Dear Disappointed: Why did your girlfriend need to talk to her ex-boyfriend, unless she’s the type of lover who likes to collect exes as trophies? It’s time to show her — and her busy phone — the door. She’s definitely not a keeper if she’s got the nerve to be texting her ex from your shared bed.

You can be sure you’re going to get an argument because she has that much gall. Plus, she thought she had already gotten away with it.

Not practised at breaking up with a player like this? Just keep it simple and do it by phone. Tell her you’ve had enough of her disrespect and say goodbye. If necessary, just keep repeating, “I want you out of my life, and I don’t care what your excuses are.” Then it’s quite OK to say a final “bye-bye,” and just hang up.

Consider this girlfriend a practice run in your romantic relationship race. Most women are not like this and you’ll find you can do much better. Just don’t make the mistake of telling a new mate this texting story, and what you started to put up with.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend loves performing publicly, but watching him makes me cringe. I think I maybe love him, but he’s not good, yet he seems to think he’s God’s gift to the arts. I blame his mother for that.

He wants me to come to every performance, and each time I do I find myself losing respect. No one ever says he’s good or great after a performance, not to me or him. Isn’t that a clue?

He’s a decent guy in other ways, but this part is so tough and I’m losing feelings for him.

— Cringing Over Here, Fort Richmond

Dear Cringing: If this seems like a phase and there’s an end to it, you might want to tough it out. But if this performing interest is an all-important life goal, you don’t want to be the long-suffering life partner with the pasted-on smile.

You need to know your guy will ask you how he did after each performance, particularly if no one else is offering their praise and he needs some boosting. You really don’t want to spend a lifetime lying to him about his talent. In fact, consider exiting stage left before there’s a ring involved.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography