Meet old flame with open mind, no expectations

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/02/2024 (955 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my high school girlfriend left her useless husband. I really want to call her now.

That guy was such a loser and she deserved better. I feel excited because she was the best girlfriend I ever had, although that was almost 10 years ago.

I mentioned this to my younger sister yesterday, then she lowered the boom. She told me my ex has a girlfriend now.

She couldn’t be a lesbian — not the girl I knew. I told my sister I thought she was probably just lonely and it would be a stopgap thing until she found a new man.

My sister laughed in my face. She told me not every woman prefers a man just because she can get one.

I totally remember my ex-girlfriend and how sexy she was, and that she really liked what we had between us, sex-wise.

We did eventually run into problems over my drinking, but I joined AA and straightened out, got some training and have a good-paying job now.

Do you think I should call her and see if she would like to get together for coffee? Valentine’s Day is coming up soon and I can’t stop thinking about her.

— Missing That Girl, St. Boniface

Dear Missing: She’s a grown woman now and a lot has happened in both your lives — including her marriage.

If she agrees to see you, go with the idea of just getting to know the person she is now, whatever her sexual preference. Just don’t go with any big hopes of getting back together.

You might enjoy a coffee and a chat about old times and people you know in common, but don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Whatever you do, don’t make any cracks about women only being stopgap partners between male partners, or it might be a very short coffee, indeed.

Your ex-girlfriend may be deeply in love with her female partner. If so, wish her the best in life. That’s the best thing old loves can say when they see each other again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into a fight with a woman who came into the shop where I work. She came to return something, then tried to slip something else into her purse while I was doing the paperwork.

I demanded the item back, of course. She claimed she was going to pay for it and forgot. Such a lie.

Then she quickly ran to the back of the store, found my boss and gave her a false account of what happened— and I was the one who got into trouble. I got reprimanded and almost lost my job over the incident because this dishonest customer was so loud and convincing.

Now I feel uncomfortable when I come in for work and I’m always watching the door in case this horrible customer comes back. Is it worth it to stay?

— Anxious at Work, St. James

Dear Anxious: It’s miserable working for a boss who doesn’t trust your word, but quitting in a huff with no other job lined up may not be a good move.

Still, peace of mind is valuable and you should consider starting to look for new work — though quietly. The search itself will calm your nerves, especially once you start seeing some interesting opportunities coming your way.

And a new job — once you find one you like — will restore your confidence and mood.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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