Drop neighbour a note to end awkward visits

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This article was published 02/02/2024 (954 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The husband of a girlfriend of mine is living next door right now. He’s been there alone since she and the kids took off. He wouldn’t get out when she asked him to, so she finally took the kids to live at her parents’ house with her, where they are much happier. But now she’s gone, it feels like he’s trying to move in with me.

Her husband is an after-work drinker, who passes out by midnight. It was like there was no dad present when he was growing up — just this guy drinking in front of the TV and hollering at the kids to shut up.

I know his wife has no thoughts of coming back, and I can’t blame her.

Recently, he’s started arriving at my door after he’s done work, bringing me and my kids fast food to sit down and share with him.

We don’t want his food and we don’t want his company. The worst thing is it looks to the neighbours like I’m his new girlfriend.

How can I stop him so he never knocks on our door again? He’s a pain, but not violent and doesn’t need police removal.

Unfortunately, I’m too shy to slam the door on him and his greasy dinners. What else can I do?

— Not His New Woman. West Kildonan

Dear Not His New Woman: Your gift-bearing neighbour seems to be trying to make his wife jealous — and using a shy woman and her kids to do it. You don’t even owe him politeness.

Since you can’t bring yourself to tell him to get lost, tape a note to his door in a sealed envelope, telling him to stop his visits completely. Also call his ex and explain to her what’s happening, in case he’s been hinting you and he are romantically involved. If this man bothers you beyond one short discussion after the note, tell him you will call the police, and then do it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a senior and I made a vow to myself in the fall to get re-integrated with the social world now that COVID has calmed down. Then I just didn’t. I felt like I’d lost my social skills over those years of trying to dodge the virus. I didn’t know where to reach out.

Then, to top it off, a couple of my more outgoing friends died. That made me stay home some more.

I know it’s do-or-die for me in the literal sense, because boredom is really getting to me. Please don’t overwhelm me with information, but could you give me a good place to start online?

— Ready This Time, Manitoba

Dear Ready: The Senior Scope newspaper for the 55-plus crowd has been publishing for over two decades, and features all kinds of relevant events in Winnipeg and rural Manitoba. Go to seniorscope.com, and check out the Events tab. That’ll be sure to whet your appetite for new fun and new friends, as there are many choices.

Another great resource is the organization Active Aging in Manitoba (activeagingmb.ca). You can do this, and good luck to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went swimming at the YMCA and ran into two women in their early 20s who were close friends of mine in high school. They share an apartment now. We had a great time talking.

At one point, they were sitting on the edge of the pool and I noticed the hands between them were linked, and they wore identical silver rings.

I was too surprised to comment, and then I wondered if I should pretend I didn’t notice. Please enlighten me.

— Curious Former Schoolmate, St. Vital

Dear Curious: Matching metals and designs can be a statement of commitment without marriage. But these two were holding hands while talking to you, so it’d be safe to guess they’re committed, maybe even married.

In fact, it’s likely they’d be quite happy to talk about their relationship.

Next time you see them, open the conversation and congratulate them on their relationship. Let them take it from there.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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