Potty-mouthed pariah has to clean up her act

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This article was published 23/01/2024 (946 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a 29-year-old mom. I blew up in my sister-in-law’s face a week into the new year, and told her she needed to make a resolution to stop shooting off her disgusting potty mouth around me and my kids! She went crazy on me, and called me some horrible names my children also heard.

I left her house, saying, “I won’t be back, no matter how hard you beg!” Tonight my younger brother, who’s married to this woman, called and pleaded with me to start talking to her again. He said she’d been crying her eyes out wailing, “Nobody in your family loves me!”

I was the last to cut her out. I said I’d have to think very hard about reinstating her. I don’t hate her, I just can’t stand that she curses so awfully and nonstop. She has an anger problem and seems to enjoy being horrible.

My husband and I don’t want to hear her filthy mouth, and we certainly don’t want our children to experience it again. My brother and this woman have no kids and that may never happen. My brother told her before Christmas he’d leave her if she didn’t “go out and get some manners.”

She isn’t dumb and she’ll never get a better guy than my brother, so she “kind of” cleaned up her act — in front of him only, but not other people! What can I do now?

— Enough of Aunt Potty Mouth, East Kildonan

Dear Enough: This cursing woman, at some level, knows she’s losing almost everybody around her. She needs to see a psychologist and figure out why she’s doing this to herself. Suggest this to your brother, pointing out his wife’s out-of-control cursing is the cause of her increasing isolation.

Even though she’s cut down cursing in front of him, assure your sibling she’s still going strong in front of you and your children — and that you won’t have it anymore. No doubt he’s been wondering to himself if he can ever trust his wife to be a decent mom. Kids who are called down and cursed at can’t help but grow up with serious self-esteem problems.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend came for a late dinner at my place, straight from the gym. She brought home a magazine with a story featuring several women who pump weights seriously. I think I’m a normal guy and I thought they looked goofy and unfeminine, and burst out laughing when I looked at the article. I said, “You think that’s sexy?” and she grabbed the magazine away from me.

Then she said quietly, “Yes, I do!” Miss L., she goes to the gym at least five times a week and has mentioned wanting to compete seriously this year. What do you think she was trying to tell me with the magazine? Is she just interested in the sport, or is she maybe bisexual?

— Worried Now, south Winnipeg

Dear Worrying: By showing you the magazine, she was saying: “I like this. I’m interested in this. I think it looks hot.” That’s not declaring she’s straight, lesbian or bisexual. She was giving you a signal about something that is becoming more important in her life, to see what you thought of it if you’re going to be part of her future.

Getting too uncomfortable? You may have some decisions to make — which might include letting this girlfriend go before things get more complicated. But chances are, your ridicule of her magazine told her all she needs to know about the feasibility of a future together as partners.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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