Redirect wife’s zeal for risqué (and risky) rapport

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/01/2024 (944 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife, who handles rural sales for her company, gets a thrill out of phoning me from her car and saying shocking things. She calls me when I’m working in the office.

I am in sales, too, but unlike her, my calls are all done where I can be heard by others, since I’m in a close group situation. My colleagues have neighbouring desks and can often overhear me. Those guys can always tell when my wife is trying to wind me up.

They’ve met her, and they tease me that she’s hot, and she is. I made the mistake of telling her that and it adds to her delight in phoning me during my work hours.

The trouble is that’s dicey for me. I really need my job and can’t afford to get fired.

How can I get my wife to stop something I know she loves doing? We’ve only been married a short time and I’m crazy in love with her, make no mistake about that.

— Embarrassed Husband, St. James

Dear Embarrassed: Rather than trying to shame your wife into stopping this, tell her you have a new idea: to keep your job, and the money rolling in, you’ll start playing a similar lovers’ phone game with her, but it has to be on your days off, with one of you out of the house.

When it’s really cold out, you could introduce an at-home phone game, calling each other on your phones from different rooms to start the mischief.

The big advantage to that game is you can quickly get together in person for the final fireworks.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My old boyfriend is single again and pushing to see me in person. We dated in our early 20s when I had long red hair and a dancer’s body. We’re now both in our 40s. We’ve flirted online for the last few weeks and he just sent me two photos of himself.

I’m shocked! The first picture of him wearing a black cowboy hat looked like him, only older. No problem.

The next picture, with no hat, showed that he has gone completely bald — his thick, curly brown hair is all gone. I messaged him quickly, without thinking, and asked him if he had just had chemo. He eventually answered: “I didn’t know hair mattered that much.”

Call me shallow, but I couldn’t help how let down I felt seeing him bald. It was like looking at his grandfather. He had said earlier online that I still looked beautiful. Well, I really try.

Is it useless to meet this ex for dinner anyway, as he’s suggesting? Would it be one long, awkward meal? Still, I wonder if I don’t go if I’ll always wish I had. What do you think?

— Disappointed Ex-Girlfriend, Bridgwater

Dear Disappointed: Why not go? Taking a chance and seeing this ex-boyfriend means both of you won’t waste any more time wondering what might have been. Plus, once you’re past the hair shock, you might be surprised at how much you still like this man — and suddenly feel attracted again.

Be aware that it’s not all about your reactions. He might not want anything romantic with you now considering what you said about his hair, or lack thereof. He may just be there out of curiosity himself.

So, play it safe. Suggest a popular coffee-and-dessert place for a first meeting, with other people providing a light buzz in the room. You might spend half an hour together if it’s going poorly, or it might become two hours of conversation and laughter. You’ll never know if you don’t go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography