Set some ground rules for risqué wrestling

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This article was published 20/10/2023 (1024 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband I have started play wrestling (his idea), and I was really getting into it, as it had always ended up in great sex. Two days ago I caught him bent over, peeking into the partly opened dishwasher and I gave him a playful little boot in the butt.

He hit his head on the door. “That really hurt!” he yelled at me, and said it wasn’t funny. I defended myself and yelled back, “Well, that’s what you get for teaching me to play-fight!”

Now things are not so good. In fact, he’s not touching me. I’m not going to get down on my knees and beg his forgiveness because he’s the one who encouraged me to play-fight, and when it went one little step too far, he cut me off.

— Angry Right Back! North Kildonan

Dear Angry: The trouble is every sport has rules, and for good reason. You two didn’t discuss or set any boundaries for your intimate grappling, so offer up an apology for hurting your guy, and then invite him to the inaugural “Play-Fighting Sports Rules Meeting” to set up safety and fairness guidelines. You could request the meeting at home, or you might find it amusing to meet in a restaurant with pads of paper and pens.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 27, and was single for almost two years — hardly a date, aside from some awkward setups. They were so embarrassing, I don’t even like to think about them.

I knew I didn’t look like a prize with my flabby, overweight body, and I felt rejected for that. Then my sister encouraged me to start working on my health and fitness with her. I started running, cut my calories and lost 30 pounds. My gut went away for the first time since I was 19.

I was encouraged so I also started some serious weight-training at her gym and I finally have a body I’m proud of. Then my sister hauled me off to get a great haircut — I must say I like my new look.

Then, I decided to challenge myself: I would ask one woman out a month, and I did.

I saw the first one every weekend for a few weeks — close, but no cigar. Then another woman actually asked me out a week ago. I thought about it for a bit, feeling a little guilty because I wasn’t sure if I owed it to the woman I was already seeing not to date others. I decided I didn’t, and went out on the date — and I had so much fun.

Now, the newest woman wants to see me again for a concert and I want to go. However, that night turns out to be the birthday of the girl I was dating first, and we had agreed to get together for it weeks ago. It’s a mess now, and I don’t really want to go. I’m starting to feel like this “dating around” thing is not the fantasy most guys think it is.

How do I let the woman I was dating first down gently? Is that even possible?

— Relationship Politics, Fort Richmond

Dear Relationship Politics: “At what point are we going steady?” is an amusing question you only ask a person you already feel you want to see exclusively. Frankly, you don’t seem to feel that excited about woman No. 1, but it is her birthday, and birthdays are a big deal. Also, dates do need to be honoured.

At this point, make a date to see woman No. 2 a few days after the birthday and honour the first woman’s birthday by not ditching the date.

If that relationship has levelled out and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, cool it off gently. Then you can slowly start dating the new woman more often, and phase out the first, with a kind and thoughtful talk. She may be getting tired of you, too.

Bear in mind that woman No. 3, 4 or even 5 may still be the best answer, but you just haven’t met them yet. It can be a difficult dance to date more than one person casually, but there’s a long and unhappy price to be paid if you settle for someone too soon.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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