Stow away the ‘ghosts’ and let new wife take lead

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/10/2023 (1085 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m an older man with a middle-aged second wife. She is lots of fun, but not into sex as much as I am. She says she feels “uncomfortable” about her body, and I can’t figure out why. I keep telling her she has a great body for her age.

It turns out she’s mostly upset because she moved into my old house and she’s seen my deceased wife’s photos on the walls. My wife was an award-winning athlete and in great shape all her life. But that’s not the kind of thing that turns me on about my new wife, who cracks me up me up every day! She says funny and endearing things and makes me feel very loving towards her. That often translates into desire.

I don’t care if she wants the lights down low, but not pitch black. I’m a visually oriented man! And her “grey” hair? When the moon or streetlights shine in, it catches her long white hair and lights up in the room. So beautiful and exciting! How do I convince her I’m not just “laying it on thick” to get her in the mood? How can I make her relax and unwind?

— Loving New Husband, St. Norbert

Dear Loving Husband: If you want to experience the full sensuality of your new wife, try making love exactly the way she’d like for a few weeks — whether that’s with one candle burning in the room or just moonlight streaming in.

Also, it would be a good idea to remove the competition from the walls. When your new wife is not at home, quietly slide most of the photos of your deceased wife and her perfect body into a special album and put it away. Be sure to make that some place your present wife isn’t going to stumble on it.

Then invite your new partner to help you paint the walls — particularly the bedroom you sleep in — to make her feel she is now the woman of the house. She may have been feeling like a bit of an intruder on your deceased wife’s space, but was unable to tell you. Women are territorial and need to feel they are not in somebody else’s space, with all their memories and preferences and scents. Make your new wife feel secure in the knowledge your deceased wife isn’t watching her from the walls. Your new mate needs to feel she is living exactly where she belongs. That could go a long way to making her feel comfortable enough to have uninhibited sex with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My single mother and her girlfriends dress up as witches every Halloween. Mom gets decked out in some sexy costume — usually a sultry witch — and goes to the bar to meet her friends. I’m turning 15 this fall and I do all the babysitting.

Last Halloween was awful! Mom stayed out all night with some guy and I only finally got her to pick up her phone at 6 a.m. She said she was “at a friend’s house.” I heard a guy laughing at what she said. I was forced to suddenly think what my mother must have been doing all night with him! Oh, my, God. I blew up!

So, when she said I would have to babysit on Halloween again this year, I said, “No! I’m not babysitting while you’re out having sex with some random guy!” She tried to slap my face, but I caught her arm — and I’m bigger than she is now. We’re hardly talking.

She finally said today, in a huff: “You’re babysitting on Halloween and that’s that! I sacrificed my whole social life for you kids for years, and now I’m going out once in a while.” What should I do? I don’t want to babysit on Halloween, not for anything she could offer me!

— Mom’s a Teenager! Elmwood

Dear Mom’s a Teenager: Underneath your anger, you still love your mother. So, if Mom wants you to babysit again this Halloween night, offer to work out a deal that is good for both of you. In your proposed deal, you should make three requests: First, you don’t want to be alone and stewing, so you’d like to have a girlfriend stay over for the night. Secondly, you don’t want your mom in danger of drunk driving, so she must promise to take a cab home, or to a friend’s place, from the bar. Finally, she must call you if she’s not going to be coming home until the next morning.

These are reasonable requests and she will likely grant them — as long as you are gracious and not rude in your presentation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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