Let al fresco Romeo run wild with someone else

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 31/08/2023 (1095 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend gets a kick out of having sex outdoors. Last night, it was cold out and after we made love in my comfy bed, he was actually complaining it was boring. He was wondering what we could do to replace the outdoor sex adventures.

I finally lost it and said, “Aren’t I enough?” and he said, “You wouldn’t want to hear the answer to that.” I felt the tears coming, pointed to the door and said, “Just go!”

He got dressed and left, like he didn’t even care, and said, “See you around!” and went out slamming the door. I love him, and want him back, but I don’t want to jump through hoops for his love anymore. I did a whole summer of that. Please help me.

— Hurting So Much, St. Vital

Dear Hurting: Don’t chase after this guy. He’ll find another woman — or more — for his sexual experiments this fall. This guy craves novelty, and changing women is usually part of that kick. That doesn’t say anything bad about you. You were young, sincere and looking for love, just with the wrong guy.

Now here’s a hot tip: Don’t complain to the next guy who is interested in you about what you did with your outdoor adventure guy, and how it ended. A woman should have her secrets, and you don’t need to attract another outdoor type.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When my wife and I fight, she always brings up the worst of our old battles and we’re never able to move forward. She reminds me of the times I’ve let her down over the years in response to issues I have with her in the moment. Boo-hoo!

I’ve apologized many times for the issues of the past, and she wasn’t perfect either. Now it seems like she uses our history as a passport to be rude to me and ignore my feelings. What now? We have teenage kids we don’t want to hurt.

— Stuck Together, West End

Dear Stuck: Did you take ownership of past hurts you caused? Even if you’ve already done that, your wife may be relying on keeping those unsettled fights alive to give her power in the present.

Some people enjoy bringing up old issues just to be “in the right” again, and to induce enough guilt to shut the conversation down. Or, they may want to destroy the mood for another sneaky reason — to avoid a makeup scene and sex they don’t want.

Instead of playing your wife’s game, try to find out why she doesn’t want to discuss the present problem. Are you perhaps a better talker? Does she cry easily, and therefore feels like she’s lost every argument?

You two could benefit from having a referee in the room — a professional who’s good at getting people to air unresolved issues and finally fix them. However, that may not be what your wife wants — and that will come to light if she goes to one appointment with a counsellor who’s sharp enough to see it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve just recently moved into my new husband’s house. He has grown children and they come and go as they please. I do the shopping and a lot of the cooking and I’ve been noticing that we’ve been missing meat from the downstairs freezer.

The other day I saw one of his daughters had a package of our meat in her bag, as she was leaving. She’s stealing food from her father and me. She noticed I saw the packaged meat in her bag, so she would know it was me who ratted on her if I said something to her father.

Our relationship is shaky at best because she favours her mother who took her in when she lost her job. Her mother is a piece of work. What should I do?

— Upset New Wife, Selkirk

Dear Upset: People don’t usually steal a piece of meat for kicks. Talk to your husband calmly and describe what you saw, but don’t press for action. Let him talk to his daughter alone and deal with it in his own way.

Maybe her mother isn’t bringing in enough money for her family to eat well. Or maybe this daughter feels guilty, asking for more expensive food in her mom’s house when she’s not working herself.

Perhaps Dad could step in and help his daughter find a job with the contacts he has and alleviate the situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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