Impulsive clip job proves to be a real turn-off

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This article was published 11/06/2023 (1199 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I woke up this week to what I thought was a stranger getting into bed with me! You better believe I shrieked my head off. It turned out to be the totally bald version of my new boyfriend, who recently got my precious house key.

He plays in a band, and after they packed up at a recent practice, they were drinking at a buddy’s house. Then he came over to show me something. He let his bandmate cut off his long ponytail — and then shave off the rest of his beautiful brown hair, right down to his pale scalp. I fell in love with his original look — especially the hair — before I got to know him personally.

He just stood there laughing at me as my mouth hung open. I said, “How would you feel if you woke up and saw my hair was all gone and all I had was white scalp?” He stopped laughing. I also can’t take back that I said he looked like “an alien from outer space.” Now he’s really mad!

He said, “Love me the way I am, or I’m gone!” I know he’s right to say that, but I can’t help the fact I’m turned off. He says he’s not growing his hair back, because it’s summer already. Weak excuse! Will we get over this?

— So Turned Off! Downtown

Dear Turned Off: This will certainly be a test — for both of you. Maybe in his inebriated state he thought the bald stunt was wild and fun. Somehow, he forgot you loved his long hair. Alcohol has a tendency to dull the memory.

To be fair, you were stone sober, but also forgot something important. There are some hurtful words you can’t take back once you’ve said them. In effect, you told him his head now looks repugnant to you. That kind of comment tends to have a boomerang effect, and makes the speaker look ugly.

Physical attraction is an important part of new romance, especially before other important factors have kicked in and deepened the relationship. If you can talk this out and smooth things over, your boyfriend might agree to grow his hair out a little for you, but don’t expect more. Don’t be too surprised if he moves on, because he likely meets a lot of women through his band work. Some of them will think the bald look is hot!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife surprised me with the news that an old love of hers is vacationing in Winnipeg — coming from England, in July. She wants to invite the man and his wife for dinner, at our place.

I automatically said, “Not on my watch!” She says she stopped loving him romantically years ago, but claims he’ll “always be part of my history.”

I said, “The answer is still no. I’m a jealous guy, and he’s not setting foot in my house.” Today she told me she will be going to meet her old love and his wife in a restaurant, when he comes in July and asked if I want to join them. I blew up, and roared, “No!” Now what? Things are strained between us and the house is deadly quiet. I may have over-reacted, but I’m not going to that damn dinner!

— Not That Liberal, Westwood

Dear Not That Liberal: Nobody can blame you for not wanting to go and “make nice” with your wife’s old love. But the old boyfriend’s wife is going to be right there, so he’s obviously moved on — as did your wife, years ago. You won her heart and are happily living together under the same roof, except for this little wrinkle which needs to be ironed out.

Why not decide to go to dinner and show some class? You’re both married to other people now, and not just recently. Or, you can continue to refuse, and let the three of them go out together and have fun without you. You’ll just be stewing at home, like you are right now. Also, consider this possibility: If you go to dinner, you may find the old ex to be a bit inferior. After all, you won your fair lady for life! Then, you can bury your insecurities about this old ex forever.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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