Relationship stalled between image and reality

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/05/2023 (1175 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a fitness influencer who works out all the time. Recently we got into a big fight when she went to take a photo while “we” were “renting” my house as an Airbnb for a weekend. She didn’t want me in the photo! When I asked her why, she said she was worried her followers would think she has a boyfriend!

Well, she does, and she has had one for six months now! Who did she think people would assume she was with, in this romantic little cottage I own and live in? She has no real money of her own, just a crap job and the fitness nonsense she does online. I feel deeply angry about this whole thing! She says the fitness bits online are her “job” and I shouldn’t take it personally, but how could you not?

— Modern Dating Sucks, Winnipeg

Dear Modern Dating: Part of the problem with dating in 2023 comes out of the recent years of full-on COVID when lonely people would grab a partner quickly and start living with them. Also, people like your girlfriend started living online and created fantasy lives to attract people into their locked-down worlds.

Your lady feels she won’t be nearly as attractive to her fans if your face pop ups behind her on the screen, saying, “Bye honey, off to work, see you at six for supper!” Unfortunately, she’s not wrong. You two should still be “just dating” and need to dial it back, or just end it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a handywoman, and I’m rebuilding a beautiful old cottage at the lake, and living here already. I can work from “home” at my real job, and it doesn’t matter if I’m not in the same place as my co-workers. I’m bisexual and my latest partner — also a woman — takes a dim view of my working out here. Last night she told me on the phone she’s having a hard time being “partnered but alone.” She told me I’d have to reconsider living at the lake, if I wanted her to devote herself entirely to me! I know a threat when I hear one, and I don’t like it!

I worshipped the ground she walked on, in the city, but I’m finding I also worship the literal ground I’m walking on myself, out here by this beautiful lake. That’s especially true when the sun sets. This is my idea of heaven.

As I started dealing with this unhappy love situation, my neighbour introduced me to a man out here who’s also single and rebuilding a cottage, and works “from home.” We’re really clicking and I find him attractive. My sister says to stop procrastinating and dump my city woman.

— Time to Cut Bait? Lake Winnipeg

Dear Cut Bait: Loving a new partner’s lifestyle is almost as important as loving their personality and physical appearance. If two people don’t want to live in each other’s preferred “world” more than just for holiday weekends, it ends up a mismatch. It’s too early to go after this lake man as a boyfriend/partner of any kind, but it is time set yourself free from your city partner. Very soon, it could be time for you to go fishing in earnest!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is the most boring sex partner on planet Earth, and I’m spiralling downward. We’ve been together for five long years and he went from a fit, exciting guy to a boring, overweight guy who’s self-conscious, and making me pay! We have infrequent sex with the lights off, where I can hardly see. What the heck is the point?

I’m pushing 30 and we have no children. At night I dream about having sex and babies with my exes. When I wake up and look at my husband’s back turned to me, I want to cry. Should I leave? He’s not the man I married, and he hasn’t even given me kids.

— Lonely Wife With Needs, Sage Creek

Dear Lonely Wife: Why is your husband letting himself go and hiding in the dark? He doesn’t sound any happier than you are. If you met this man now, it’s a cinch you wouldn’t spend more than one night with him. It’s time to take this relationship into counselling, or admit the union has run its course. It’s not too late to have kids, but you do need a happy, solid relationship, and this one, in its present state, isn’t it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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