Bow out of fiancée’s family drama this summer

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This article was published 25/05/2023 (1239 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancée’s teenage sister smiles coyly at me when she thinks only she and I see the sexual slant to something. Then she’ll make a very suggestive remark. I don’t like it! I’m not her secret boyfriend.

I don’t relish going up to their family’s cottage again this year, and they normally go almost every weekend and for the whole month of July. So, I finally told my girlfriend why her hot little sis makes me uncomfortable. She said, “Oh, she’s insecure and always pulling that stuff with my boyfriends!” Little sister prides herself in looking hot, such as with last year’s cobra-skin bikini. (I’m not blind!)

My girlfriend asked, “You want me to shut her down? I can do that. I’ll just tell Dad!” Her little sister adores her dad, who pretty much ignores her. My sweet girlfriend is daddy’s favourite. I have a bad feeling in my gut. Is this maybe a dangerous family to marry into? Got advice?

— Starting to Worry, Bridgwater

Dear Starting to Worry: Try not to head up to the lake with this family every weekend, as you’d be pushing your luck, especially if little sister still doesn’t have her own boyfriend. Find a summer alternative of your own with other friends and include your lady in the plans.

If hot little sister does come on to you on a lake visit, say to her kindly: “You just need a boyfriend of your own. As you know, I’m totally in love with your big sister.” She won’t like that statement, but hopefully she’ll respect the stay-clear-of-me message that you need to give her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regard to “Concerned Worker,” the office employee who’s seen a male co-worker secretly taking photos of women there, you suggested he report it to a superior. However, it’s the women who really need to know about this behaviour. Those women are victims of a creep, and keeping this information from them is enabling his behaviour. What happens regarding this inappropriate behaviour, it’s not up to the witness or anyone else — it’s up to the women he’s taking pictures of! It’s for them to decide what happens next.

— Concerned, Manitoba

Dear Concerned: While the women in this man’s photos do need to know he’s been secretly taking photos of them at work, that should come on the heels of his firing. That way the victims don’t have to keep seeing him in the office. Telling them first could be risky, because it might lead to a group confrontation, with an unpredictable outcome.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I finally slept with the most recent “man of my dreams” and it turned into a nightmare. After the lovemaking, he wanted to talk all night long — not listening to me, just yapping about himself. That was not part of the deal, as I saw it. I’d given him my all, physically, and I wanted to drift off to sleep in his arms.

I finally shut him up and got some peace at about 3 a.m.! I must confess my last words to him before I fell asleep were “Put a cork in it!” I guess that hurt his feelings. I heard him sneaking out and getting in his car as I drifted off. He hasn’t phoned me since. It seems the man has no sense of humour. Should I apologize? I didn’t mean to hurt him badly, and I haven’t had many dates in recent years.

— Phone’s Not Ringing, Downtown

Dear Not Ringing: Some folks like to lie in their new lover’s arms and talk and laugh until the sun comes up. That’s just their style of romance, and it deepens their relationship. They’re a different breed from you. There’s no sense in trying to smooth things over with this talkative guy.

Agreed, it’s not easy finding a new sweetheart! But this post-coital chatterer is a definite dead end for you. Next time you’re getting close to a guy, casually find out if he’s an après-sex talker or a sleeper, and save both of you from an uncomfortable situation at 3 a.m.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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