Don’t let initial awkwardness thwart neighbourly bond

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/05/2023 (1197 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new neighbour is noisy, and loves to be outside in her yard in the spring evening weather, with her music blasting. I’m also young, but I have little kids who need to sleep! When she parties around her barbecue with her girlfriends, they actually dance beside her empty pool, and the music is blaring. I’m forced to shut all my windows, to get the children to sleep.

She came over this evening and knocked on the door “to say hello” and to invite me to her place. Instead of inviting her in, I gave her a blast about the noise! To my surprise, tears welled up in her eyes, and she said, “Sorry to have disturbed you. I was hoping we could be friends, as we’re kind of the same age.”

She left sadly, and now I’m worried I’ve ruined any chance for friendship. This is not how I wanted to be as a neighbour. What should I do? Is it already too late? Should I just give it some time?

— The Meanie, North Kildonan

Dear Meanie: Don’t let more time pass. If you don’t address an issue and apologize right away, you could be left with a cold war, and the situation will never warm up. Instead, buy your new neighbour a little spring bouquet from the grocery store. Then hustle over there with the posies, knock on her door and tell her you’re sorry for being so unwelcoming. Let her know you’re actually glad she’s moved in, and invite her over to your place for coffee.

If she’s a bit shocked, and automatically says no, don’t just walk away or the moment will be lost. Instead, put the flowers in her hands and talk to her right on the doorstep — tell her briefly about your family, and ask her a little about herself. If she’s still a bit chilly towards you, she may need a few days to digest the surprise visit.

If that is the case, give it a week or two, and keep waving at her when you see her. Don’t give up on being a good next-door neighbour! It beats being enemies or in a stand-offish situation, and it would be great to have warm relationship with neighbour.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart has been broken since my old cat had to be put down two months ago. I’m scared to risk feeling this way again. Still, I’m toying with the idea of getting a kitten from my daughter, as her beautiful cat had a recent litter. But I’m so afraid to risk another loss. I’ve been experiencing tears since my cat died, as I’m a fairly young widow — just 50 — and live alone in my little house. What do you think?

— Missing My “Baby,” Fort Garry

Dear Missing My Baby: “Replacement” pets are a better bet than you might think, even when you’re mourning the loss of love one. While you certainly won’t forget the pet who died, it’s a great distraction to have a new pet. Actually, two kittens would be fun and affectionate, and wrestle you silly. They’d also be company for each other, so can you go out without feeling guilty.

It’s time to check out your daughter’s kittens and see which ones you warm to, personality-wise. Make a few visits and take a kitty carrier with you, just in case. Good luck on new furry companionship in your life!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in regard to “Retirement Planning Hassle,” whose grown kids are complaining because Dad wants to sell the old family house and go travelling. Mom is now wavering on selling it because of the kids’ sentimental attachment.

My parents bought their home new. (The varnish was still wet on the floors.) They raised all of their children there, and lived in that house until they died. One of the hardest things my sisters and I ever did was clean that house out and sell it.

When I came home the day the for-sale sign went up, I told my husband, “We have to sell our own house ourselves, before we die. Your children should never have to do this!”

Maybe if this man’s wife thought about how hard it would be for her children to sell their family home, she’d be more likely to agree to selling it.

— A Different View, Manitoba

Dear Different: Adult children brought up in a house that was full of great memories can be very sad to see it go to someone else, particularly to a stranger. They’re aware a lot of home-buyers can’t wait to tear down walls, redecorate and make it their own. Selling the family home sometimes hurts people, and you’re right, it’s not necessarily the parents who are hurt the most.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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