Bombshell revelation calls for some diplomacy

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This article was published 15/04/2023 (1228 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently found out the man I call Dad — the father I love, who brought me up from a baby — is not my biological father. I got the secret from my mom’s sister, who took it upon herself to tell me on my 30th birthday. She was tipsy and I was giving her a safe ride home. In her driveway she kept on sitting there, and finally she turned to me and said: “You’re an adult now and I care about you, and I think you deserve to know something.” Then she spilled the goods about my “real“ father’s name — a man in our town.

I stayed awake all night. The next day I took my mom out for a drive. I demanded the truth about my paternity. She started crying and let it all come out. “Biologically, what Auntie said is true about who fathered you. It was a slip-up after a big party. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew he was never going to be a good dad, so I married my new boyfriend — the dad you know — but he doesn’t know you’re not his.”

So now what? Should I pay a visit to my biological father, and confront him with the truth? And what about the man I’ve always known as Dad? Mom says he’ll be heartbroken if and when he finds out the truth.

— Sitting on a Major Secret, southern Manitoba

Dear Sitting: The real problem is is your loose-lips auntie. Now that she’s let the cat out of the bag, she may enjoy telling the story to a few other people — not just that she knew the secret, but that you just found out, and are shocked! Don’t let your “lifelong” dad be the last to know the gossip around town. Urge Mom to talk to him. You will also want to let your dad know it’s him you love, and that will never change.

By the way, there’s a chance your biological father suspected the truth, long ago. He was a “whoopsie” lover in your mother’s young life, and a baby was born exactly nine months later. If you look at all like him and he’s seen you around town, he might be even more suspicious, but not anxious to get into any dispute about your parentage. Be glad of that. You ended up with a great dad who loves you. He’s your “real dad” in all the ways that count.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m constantly angry with my neighbour directly across our street, who is pretty “out there.” She puts signs up in her window directed at me. The latest in her doomsday series was “It’s later than you think!” It must have taken her a couple hours to make the thing and colour in the big, fat letters with red marker.

My husband — an imposing man — went over and told her to stop this sign-making, or we’d have to call the police. Then she told him to do something anatomically impossible! He came home laughing and shaking his head, and said, “I give up. She’s your problem now.”

So now what? I refuse to cover up my living-room picture window because of her. She shouldn’t have that much power!

— Furious Neighbour, Winnipeg

Dear Furious: This lady has a psychological problem. You’re not that special, and she hasn’t singled you out to hassle. She’s probably directing her angst-ridden messages toward you, simply because you happen to be positioned in front of her house.

If you want to get further involved, consider getting in touch with your neighbour’s family. If you don’t know them, it‘s possible surrounding neighbours may know the family and could help you make contact. If your sign-making neighbour is all alone and losing it, these signs may be a kind of SOS, and she may need professional help quickly.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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