Best play is to bolster your aspiring athlete mate

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This article was published 13/04/2023 (1250 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My poor girlfriend injures herself every summer playing baseball, and I want her to quit. She joined a recreational team with her friends in her 20s, following a childhood of always being chosen last for teams.

Adult baseball players embraced her and taught her, and she fell in love with the sport, but the problem is, since she’s not a very good athlete, and she hurts herself constantly. Every summer she pulls something, tears something, breaks a finger or worse.

As an athlete myself, I know something’s got to give. I was very happy to see her pick up a sport, but we’re into our 30s now, and she’s developing arthritis. I asked her to consider a lower-impact sport this year. She was so offended! She loves baseball, even if she still isn’t great at it. Personally, I think she’s trying to make up for all that lost time, of never being picked for teams.

For me, the problem’s not about the sport situation. It’s about having a partner who’ll be riddled with injuries by the time we’re old. I really love her and don’t want to see her suffer. How do I help her see she can’t just bounce back from injuries like a young adult, and she should consider other forms of exercise?

— Losing the Battle, Fort Rouge

Dear Losing: Playing baseball involves exercise, but for your girlfriend it also helps erase bad memories from school. She has fun baseball friends now, and when people are older, there’s usually socializing after baseball games, as well.

Go at this differently. You could help your girlfriend improve her baseball skills and get injured less, by playing catch and practising base-running and fielding technique with her. You might also pitch balls to her, and provide her some batting practice. For gifts, buy her a quality glove, ankle and wrist braces, and even knee pads if she’ll wear them.

Instead of trying to drag her off the diamond, “bless” her sport by attending all her games and cheering her on, big time. It’s baseball with friends she wants, not just exercise. Big bonus? Her love for you will grow with your support and attention. You’re not going to win by trying to make her quit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend got spring fever last year, and dumped me in May. Last year he spent spring and summer free as a bird, running around with other women. Then he came back to me, saying he didn’t meet anyone who held a candle to me… yada, yada, yada. I was hurt and mad, but I hadn’t found anyone great over the summer either.

I admit I was lonely, and in need of great sex, which it seems only he can deliver in a way that satisfies me. So, I took him back and we made it through this last winter. Now I’m going to be his little fool again. My friends are saying, “We told you so. What’s wrong with you that you’d go back to that jerk?”

I’m afraid I can’t get over him. How do I ever get free? I’m on a merry-go-round and I get bumped off every spring. My friends say I need a shrink of some kind. Do I?

— Pushing 25, South St. Vital

Dear Pushing 25: A relationship counsellor could help you see things differently this spring, and coach you in looking for a winner. However, don’t just go for one session and stop, as so many people do. Go for help until “your mind is changed” and you feel differently and you know the way to succeed in the serious game of love.

Look, you may always want a guy who physically looks like this bad boy, but you need someone quite unlike him in character and actions. It’s OK to want an attractive-looking, outgoing guy. In fact, many men are like that, but they don’t cheat on their partners.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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