Don’t stay mum over dad’s buddy’s lecherous boasts

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/04/2023 (1220 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dad’s buddy was over the other day, helping him work on our new shed. When my dad went inside the house, this guy (who’s in his late 40s) gets on the subject of women he thinks are “hot.” Then he tells me his ideal woman is “19 or 20” with a couple of big physical attributes he called “hooters.”

The man is married and leads a dull life with his wife, I guess. He was just gross. I yelled an excuse to my father, got in my car and took off, squealing my tires. When Dad asked me later why I left like that, I made an excuse. I didn’t know how to tell him the truth. Should I tell him exactly what his friend said to me in the shed?

— Grossed Out, Winnipeg

Dear Grossed Out: Absolutely, tell your father. He should know what a creep his friend was, in front of his son. It sounds like this older guy was trying to get the message across that he’s in the same league sexually, as a young man like you.

He was counting on you keeping his disgusting comments to yourself. Surprise him! You don’t owe a jerk like this the respect of giving him a secret audience. Tell your dad word-for-word what he said, so the guy can’t pass it off as “harmless” guy talk. What would have been appropriate for you to say back? A disgusted, “I can’t believe you’re saying that,” along with leaving right in the middle of the disgusting chatter.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got a surprise message on Facebook from a woman I knew in my colourful past. She said she was going through old papers and came upon a photo of the two of us, and she sent an image of it. My God, we were young and good-looking back then!

My first thought was, “I have to see her again!” But then, I looked her up online, and time has not been her friend. I managed to keep my hair and have a decent body as I’m quite athletic. I know that sounds vain and stupid, considering I’m alone and so is she, and she had a good personality way back when… but doesn’t there have to be some physical attraction, no matter what the age? I’m in my 50s, divorced and lonely.

— Being too Choosy? The Maples

Dear Choosy: Yes, there needs to be an attraction. You’ve looked up this old girlfriend’s recent photos, and are just not feeling it. She’s feeling it for you, though. Why? Because she’s probably researched your photos secretly!

So, just let her down gently. Be kind and polite, and tell her you’re not available. Thank her for saying hello, and wish her well. That’s the best you can do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My baby sister of only 18, moved from our French-speaking small town to work in the city after Christmas. I’m a guy, almost 25, and need to send her packing. She’s living with me in my small house, and she’s desperately lonely. She has no job, no idea how to look for one, and no friends here but me.

I should have known this would happen: last night she came home at about 10 p.m. with a random guy. She took him directly into her bedroom and shut the door. Then she got out her guitar, and I could hear her singing. After a while it became obvious they weren’t just playing guitar. There were noises and I could faintly smell weed. Man, that was it! I banged on the door, sent the guy packing.

Then my sister and I had a big blow-up. Should I send her back to the country? She doesn’t start university until fall, and I’m anxious now. God forbid she should get pregnant while staying with me! I feel like I’m…

— Babysitting My Sister, St. Boniface

Dear Babysitting: Since your sister has no idea how to job-search in the city, this experiment has run its course. Through family contacts in the country, she can get a summer job there more easily. Warm weather and seasonal jobs are coming in a month, but she needs to be there in the country to apply, and right now.

Call your folks and tell them the city experiment didn’t work, and you’re bringing their baby back home. Also tell them you can’t live together again in the fall, and she needs to apply right away to live in university residence for the first year. Also, make sure you actually drive your sister home, yourself. Don’t even think about asking your folks to come and pick her up after you’ve had the talk, as it’s likely going to be mighty uncomfortable at your place after you tell your sis she’s leaving the city.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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