A little too much honesty for your own good

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: These days my mouth opens and blurts things out before my brain clicks in to stop me. I’ve started immediately saying things I think, but that should never cross a person’s lips. When I see people’s faces react in shock, I suddenly realize what I said to hurt them, and try to apologize, but that only makes it worse.

My husband is horrified. After the last incident, when I told his friend his “sweaty bald head looked like a shiny bowling ball,” my man said seriously he thinks I need to get my head examined. I guess I really hurt his friend’s feelings. I only realized that after he slammed out the back door.

The thing is, I like the guy, but the words just came flying out of my mouth and I didn’t care if I hurt him at the time. In fact, I laughed.

This is not like me — until recently. What should I do?

— Out of Control Mouth, The Maples

Dear Out of Control: Uncontrollably blurting out hurtful and insulting comments can be related to a number of different medical conditions, so make an appointment with your physician and spill what’s has been happening, with detailed examples, like this bowling-ball-head incident.

The doctor will no doubt make appointments with some specialists. They will figure out what is happening by setting up necessary tests. The docs may also ask to hear from your husband about his experiences with you, of late. Don’t balk at that out of pride, as all possible information is needed here.

Yes, it’s embarrassing, but there’s no sense in trying to downplay the issue with doctors out of fear of being judged. They chose a medical career because they want to help and aren’t easily disgusted by symptoms, even the outlandish ones. So, start with your physician today, and get help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife’s ex-husband has just moved back from the U.S. with his second wife. My wife’s children are thrilled to have their workaholic dad back, but I’m not. I’m jealous because the boys were just starting to love me. Then Superman shows back up on the scene.

Sadly, I suspect my wife has never really gotten over him. He’s good-looking and athletic and will take the kids to all their sporting events. I’m a couch potato. I just have athletic fingers from playing games at pool halls and arcades all my life.

How should I behave when Fancy Dad starts picking up the kids up regularly? I’ll want to throw that jerk right back down the front steps.

— Upset Stepdad, North Kildonan

Dear Upset: Forget the “stepdad” worries and try to gear up as the “best dad.” The kids’ birth dad might be Daddy No. 1 for a while, but he’s a workaholic, as you stated, and that probably won’t change.

So, lucky you.

You’re living in the primary home with mom and the kids. You can play games or hang out with the children most evenings before bed, but you’ll probably both be missing the boys on nights when they’re with biological dad.

So, here’s a possible plan: are you a dog lover? You might look into getting a puppy if the kids’ mother agrees. Fill the house with fun and a reason for the kids to hurry home after visits with their dad. It will also be good for you two adults to have a puppy when the kids are away with their father and it’s too quiet in the house.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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