Cool down fire fears with cautious cabin plan

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is freaking out. Like some of our neighbours on the edge of the wildfire zone, he wants to sell our cottage. It’s my precious old place, not his! I inherited it from my relatives, and I love it.

Who’s going to want to pay much this year to buy an old cabin that’s been threatened by fire? The bargain hunters will be out to scoop up old places like mine for next to nothing.

I’ve told my husband he better button his lip and calm down. We just had another fight over this, and our teenage kids heard it. He said he’d “never get a good sleep in that cabin again” — that’s certainly not what our children needed to hear.

How can I get him to back off his campaign to flip the cabin?

— Cottage Conundrum, eastern Manitoba

Dear Conundrum: Give your man a chance to cool down. Tell him you absolutely won’t co-operate on a quick sale, because you love the cabin and it means a lot to you and the family.

But you should also consider your husband’s extremely rattled nerves. He loves his family and wants everyone safe, and his reaction is likely part of his protective instinct. So reassure him with a safety-first “go-home” plan for the cottage. If there’s any news of wildfires within a certain range, promise him you will decamp at any hour without any argument, and head home with everyone who’s out there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our teenage grandson’s girlfriend is pregnant — it’s the last thing we need.

But now she saying she’s not sure if our grandson is “the one” she wants to marry, and that really scares us. No matter what, this child needs stable parenting and basics like food, clothing and a place to live, right?

How do we talk some sense into this girl? The best place for her and our coming great-grandchild is here in our settled home. Should we maybe offer to buy them a little house instead?

— Upset Grandpa, St. James

Dear Grandpa: Buying a house is too much pressure to put on an unsure young couple. You could offer a free basement suite in your home, but don’t try to buy them a house outright.

Your grandson’s pregnant girlfriend is understandably worried about looking after this child, so by all means offer sufficient support for food, clothing, diapers and supplies for a considerable period, and just be there to support them.

You don’t mention your grandson’s parents, so it’s possible they haven’t been involved in his life for some time. However, if they are still part of his life, you should really discuss this matter with them and figure out their role here.

You could also ask your grandson diplomatically if he’d like help finding a better job, realizing he might say no. So be prepared to honour that response if you get it. You should also be ready to accept the fact the young parents may not remain together as a traditional couple, but will still both be involved in raising your grandchild.

Finally, suggest you could also offer to pay for professional counselling for the young couple, as they struggle with this multi-faceted problem.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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