Urgent love-and-marriage agenda can be frightening

Maureen Scurfield Miss Lonelyhearts
By: Maureen Scurfield Posted:

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My first wife married me in a hurry because she thought she was pregnant with my child, but then she had a miscarriage. We struggled after that and she divorced me within a year. She said she didn’t love me anymore. That cut deep.

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Opinion

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My first wife married me in a hurry because she thought she was pregnant with my child, but then she had a miscarriage. We struggled after that and she divorced me within a year. She said she didn’t love me anymore. That cut deep.

A few weeks ago, I told my new girlfriend everything that happened and that my great wish is to marry and have a kid. Now she’s started stalling.

I can’t win for losing — one woman after the other. What is my problem? I want a real love life and a happy marriage, but I just keep getting myself in trouble.

— Total Screw Up? East Kildonan

Dear Screw Up: Your hasty timeline is scaring women off. You need to relax and look at each new relationship as a friendship with romantic possibilities.

That means taking time to have real conversations and explore all kinds of things together, well before you think about love, marriage and kids.

A man or woman with an urgent agenda like yours makes new people antsy. It causes them to wonder what may be wrong with this person who’s in such a hurry to get serious and get married. Why are they in such a panic?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My partner is stealing money from me when I’m asleep. It’s not that she needs it — she earns a lot at her job.

I watched her with one eye open last night, going through my pants pockets. I had left nothing in there — not a dime. I heard her swear softly and get back into her side of the bed.

She’s gorgeous and has a very good job, but she’s kind of creeping me out now. If I say something about it, then what? She’ll probably cry and never come back.

How can we fix this? I can’t marry someone who needs to steal. In many other ways, this woman is perfect for me. Help, please.

— Loving a Thief? Portage la Prairie

Dear Loving a Thief: This light-fingered woman is not perfect for you or any partner until she gets help for her need to steal. You should be aware that some people just can’t stop, as it’s impulsive and has nothing to do with need.

You also don’t know if this girlfriend is stealing elsewhere — from stores, friends’ houses or purses slung over chairs in restaurants or bars — but it is likely.

Her stealing habit could end up getting you in serious trouble too, especially if she stashes stolen goods at your place or you both get busted as you walk out of a store or restaurant.

She’s one scary mate to have — dangerous to herself, to you and other people close to her. It’s time to walk.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

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