Find out what’s behind B-word bemusement

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I usually argue playfully. When we do, we sometimes get sarcastic and say things that might be considered rude on the surface, but we know we’re not being serious.

The trouble is, I playfully called him a name he didn’t like — bastard — and all heck has now broken loose. As soon as I said the word he glared at me, picked up his jacket and keys and took off.

He later texted me, saying he was “not in a good frame of mind to be home,” and was at his best friend’s house. At 3 a.m. he finally came home to bed, sleeping carefully on “his” side of the bed. He’s barely said a word to me since!

Do you think he was somebody else’s child, and not the son of the mean-mouthed “father” who brought him up? I think it would be a good thing not to pass on that man’s blood.

He still hasn’t said much, and I’ve apologized twice already. I never would have guessed his reaction would be so severe and last so long. I couldn’t care less about my husband’s parentage. I love him! Please help me smooth this out.

— Over the Line, River Heights

Dear Over: Your husband felt hurt when that insulting word came from your lips — the woman he loves — and from whom he wants admiration and respect. As you know, a “bastard child” is an outdated nasty term for a baby born outside of “wedlock.”

A gentler term is “love child,” but it’s still a form of criticism. The term “bastard“ is generally used snidely, often following the word “mean.”

You two really need to have a serious talk about this matter — which is obviously troubling for him. You might ask him if he has ever met his biological father, or if he even knows who it is, in which case he may want to find him. Perhaps his mother could help with that.

In more general terms, it’s fortunate times have changed, and many couples have children without marriage these days and most people are OK with that.

Whatever you do, don’t tell him he’s “too sensitive” about it. You need to apologize sincerely and erase that B-word from your vocabulary. It’s an insulting trigger that will only hurt your husband when he hears it spoken.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last night my mother phoned from another province and was talking to my new husband and me on speakerphone about how she wants to come and visit us right away. My husband started roaring with laughter, and mom asked, “Is your wild man laughing because he’s so happy I’m going to come and stay for a couple weeks?” I said, “No, mom, he’s actually choking on something!” They both roared — all three of us share the same dark sense of humour.

But seriously, we don’t want to see mom here just yet on secluded acreage. We’re still newlyweds (both on our second marriages) and like to walk around the house naked. With it getting warmer, we can go outdoors soon and have perfect privacy — except for our animals who don’t really care if we’re naked.

Mom is determined to come and visit us on our acreage right away. What should we tell her?

— Nudists in Love, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Nudists: This is a lifestyle you both embrace, so why not just be honest? Tell mom she’s welcome to come for a shorter visit soon, but should stay in a nearby hotel, because you both like to walk around naked in the warm house. That will give your mom some clear limitations to consider.

No doubt she’d be happy to find lodgings close by, and then come to the farm when you’re both clothed. Nudists and non-nudists can get along just fine, as long as the latter makes sure to call ahead, to avoid any naked surprises.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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