Cat’s out of the bag, so it’s time to move on

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been seeing a man for almost four months, since a Christmas party at my place. Unfortunately, I work two jobs (one at a veterinarian clinic) and can only see him one night a week. He’s a sweetheart and cooks me dinner every Saturday at his place. I stay overnight and go home by 8 a.m. to feed all my cats.

He claims he’s allergic to cats, so he can’t even come to my place. I’m not sure I believe him.

Yesterday, I overheard two workers in our vet clinic talking in the hallway. One of them was talking about her new man — a guy who tells her she can never see him on Saturday nights because he has to work, so she sees him on Wednesdays. My ears perked up. Her friend asked what he was like and she described my man to a tee. She even described where he lived. My heart sank.

I went out and called him from my car. I asked him if he was seeing other women, and he said only one other when he can’t see me. He added that it wasn’t serious.

I asked the big questions then: “Do you see her every Wednesday night and did you first meet this woman at my Christmas party?”

There was a long silence, then I said I could bet the woman’s name and named my co-worker. More silence from him. Then he said, “I guess this is goodbye. I’ll miss you.”

At least, I don’t have to see his face again, but how do I deal with my co-worker who is messing with him? I really need my job and I loved this workplace, until now.

— Feeling Betrayed, Charleswood

Dear Betrayed: It’s intolerable working next to someone who has been sharing your lover, so make a list of people who will vouch for you as an excellent worker and then seriously hunt for a new workplace.

Do not engage with this guy anymore, especially if he’s a persuasive talker. It sounds like he’s a real player. There’s only one thing worse than losing an unfaithful mate, and that’s losing them twice because you went back out of loneliness.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is spending time with a recent widower and his children, who just moved onto our block. He has kids in the school nearby about the same age as ours. My wife is a stay-at-home mom.

My big concern is everything is getting pretty chummy between my wife and this widower and his brood.

Worse still, she’s always trying to get this guy and me together, as buddies. I”m not into it. We have nothing in common but my wife. I don’t know what to do. Help.

— Suspicious Husband, Weston

Dear Suspicious: It’s doubtful this newly widowed man is looking for a girlfriend just yet, and certainly not a married one like your wife. Your mate is just trying to help him out. Instead of sulking, maybe you can help this man improve his situation.

If you have a community club nearby, go there with him and help him volunteer for some spring projects around the neighbourhood. He can meet a bunch of new friends that way, and it will reduce the burden on you.

You could also help him do some research online into local activities-based singles groups (if he is ready). He could also look into joining groups for social, recreational or creative pursuits that interest him, or even explore opportunities to volunteer that can facilitate healthy connections. Visit volunteermanitoba.ca to find out about opportunities.

Once this man doesn’t feel so alone with his grief, he’ll feel more like socializing and getting into more activities and have new people to enjoy them with, as friends who understand.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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