End mutual sneakiness, share real feelings

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/02/2025 (612 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a long-term wife — a great woman and a devoted nurse. But, I have to say she’s boring. I’ve recently noticed she’s been “missing in action“ on the same nights I tell her I’m going curling. But I’m not really curling — I have another woman.

My wife told me recently she’d joined a “women’s group” on my curling night, but she was vague about what the group actually did — her response was, “Umm… charity work.” She’s a terrible liar, but then again, she hasn’t had the practice I’ve had.

From that moment on, I started suspecting things. I had to know if my wife was secretly seeing someone, so I got my best buddy to follow her. My unsuspecting wife drove straight to a certain home in the North End. I knew exactly who she was seeing then — a guy from our old neighbourhood. He’s younger and she nursed him back to health near the end of COVID.

I have no right to be jealous, but I am! I knew that guy had a thing for her when he was sick. She used to make little jokes about his crush on her.

Miss L., I don’t want to lose my wife — I really do love her. I just don’t know what to do now. If I go over there and make a scene, the guy might call the cops. Maybe it’s just too late. I realize now she was everything to me, but I stopped acting like I loved her. Please help me.

— Losing My Wife, West Kildonan

Dear Losing: You haven’t exactly been a loyal and loving husband for a long time. In fact, you’ve had a number of new women in your life on “curling nights,” thinking you got away with it. Your wife no doubt found out about your cheating a long time ago.

Then she gave up on you and her heart became available, so she met a guy who had become emotionally close with her when he was ill. Unless he’s sick again, you can bet the two of them are seeing each other for reasons that have nothing to do with medical services. But going over to the man’s house to threaten him and demand your wife back isn’t going to fly with anyone.

At this point you need to have an honest talk with your wife, apologize for your own disloyalty, and see if anything is salvageable. If it isn’t, let her go without a fight. You owe her big time — for years of your “curling night” cheating adventures.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I agreed to see other people if we wanted to, after going steady for three years in high school. Now we’re going to universities in two different cities and living in student residences, but we just want each other! We don’t want to date other people.

We are separated by two provinces and missing out on a lot of fun by being true-blue to each other, and hardly ever socialize in our separate cities. We saw each other at Christmas back in Winnipeg and we clung to each other day and night. Our parents know how upset we are to be apart.

I simply can’t do another year of this. I’ll be lucky to make it to the end of term without quitting and running to my guy. What do you suggest?

— Aching, Winnipeg

Dear Aching: Don’t quit now! You both know this freedom experiment isn’t working, so pour all your upset into studying hard this spring while making plans to attend university next fall in the same city. Then you can enjoy every part of your life and stop having your energy sapped by yearning for each other.

Some couples are meant to be together from the outset, and you two certainly feel that way. Living together is a better “exercise” than being apart and spending too many hours a day on the phone, only half-connecting.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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