Intrusive snooping only leaves you exposed

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This article was published 05/04/2023 (1290 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I dropped in at my new boyfriend’s place unannounced. It was lunchtime on Saturday. He looked surprised to see my face at his door, but he asked me if I wanted to come in for a grilled cheese sandwich, and I said, “Sure!”

Then I excused myself to use his bathroom. When I came out, I could hear him grilling, so I had time to slip into his bedroom for a minute. I took the opportunity to peek into his chest of drawers. And, what did I see in the top one? Ladies underwear!

I picked up a frilly pink pair and took them out to the kitchen swinging them on my finger, and said, “Whose are these?” He said “Mine!” I laughed in his face.

Then he said, “You snooped, so now you’re in for a shock… I like wearing women’s underwear.” Then he pulled his jeans down his hip just far enough I could see a red lace waistband from a pair of panties. I jumped back. He was defiant.

He told me, “Get going!” and pushed me out the door. He opened the door once more, and threw out my jacket, and then locked it.

I’m left wondering: What does this mean? What’s going on? Can you explain?

— Creepy Discovery, Downtown

Dear Creepy Discovery: You’re quite the little detective, aren’t you? You dropped in unannounced at your new boyfriend’s place, asked to use his bathroom, and then sneaked into his bedroom and rifled through his underwear drawer. It could easily be argued that your sneaky move was creepier than his wearing a pair of lace underwear.

Some people like to cross-dress to a certain extent at home — females too. In fact, some girls really prefer wearing tighty-whities or men’s boxers under their jeans.

When anyone cross-dresses with underwear, it may have something to do with a desire for sex play that involves role-playing, or it might just have to do with greater comfort. The bigger “crime” here may be sneaking into a new lover’s private things, for a look-see.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is having an affair and I’m strangely upset. She has known about my married “sex buddy” for years, but told me she wouldn’t divorce me over it, because she didn’t like sex herself.

My frigid wife recoils from my sexual style, which she says is “athletic, not romantic.” We stopped sleeping together years ago.

Now, to my shock, my wife is actively having a “romance” with another athletic type, who smokes cheap cigars. I come home at suppertime, and I always know when he’s been in my house, because there’s that cigar stink.

My next-door neighbour friend knows about him — used to work with him — and told me where he lives so I could “go after him.”

That’s not happening. I’m not going to jail over this woman. Also, I just don’t feel like giving my wife the keys and the satisfaction of my leaving.

What’s wrong with me? Freedom is what I always wished for. Why can’t I just move out, and let my wife go on with her life?

— Sour Grapes Guy, North End

Dear Can’t Win: Don’t waste any more of your life! You and your wife need to split and sell that house, to start living freely and honestly doing what you want, with whom you want.

It’s time your hurt pride gave way to your new reality, and you looked out that open doorway — to freedom. It could be a new world for both of you. You two have wasted a lot of years living together unhappily, and for what? It’s springtime — time for you both to make big changes for the better in your lives.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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