Think of looming letdown, not your steamy soirée

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This article was published 08/04/2023 (1288 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband disappeared from sight shortly after our divorce 10 years ago, and I couldn’t have cared less. He was living in Ontario last I heard, and that was no big deal to me. They were welcome to the guy! He is now back living in Manitoba. We spotted each other in a well-known casino and he looked very different, after so many years; I still have my trademark red hair.

He walked over and greeted me by the sexy bedroom name he gave me years ago, and then my body betrayed me. I smiled and blushed to my roots! Then he started trying to chat me up. Long story short, I said no, I would not go anywhere with him.

He took it well, but somehow he got my phone number. He keeps calling me, acting so friendly and mature.

He swears he’s a changed man, and says he “just wants to be friends.” Ha! That man has never met a woman he couldn’t charm. But, I must admit, I’m starting to feel tempted. He says he wants to take me out for an expensive dinner, wine and the whole bit — at a really nice place I’d love to try. What should I say to him? He looks so handsome all dressed up, and he knows it.

I know what else he’ll want, and nobody does it better. Please, I need help with this decision.

— Sucker for a Sharp-Dressed Man, Transcona

Dear Sucker: Methinks you’re hearing those famous old ZZ Top lyrics in your head: “They come runnin’ just as fast as they can; ’Cause every girl crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man.”

You need to look a bit down the road. Look past how great he’ll look dressed up, past the fancy dinner, the liquor, the flirty talk with clever double entendres, the invitation back to his place… and the sex. He’ll make sure he’s at his best. But how will you feel the next morning, and the next week?

More importantly, how bad was the breakup last time, and what makes you think it will be any different? Your decision should really hang on the emotions that may be involved for you. If you suspect this charming ex still has the ability to sweep you away emotionally, you’d better not go. If you are much stronger now, and can maintain some distance while having fun, you might actually decide to go. Good luck with that!

LONELYHEARTS CLUB: What are your thoughts on the letter from Sucker for a Sharp-Dressed Man? Have you been in a similar situation? What advice would you give the letter writer?

Each week, we’ll select a letter to Miss Lonelyhearts and invite readers to share their thoughts on it. Next week we’ll publish a selection of responses.

Share your thoughts on our website here. Then check our Diversions page next week to see what readers had to say.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out my wife, who works at home, isn’t as “bone-lonely” as she says she is. Her new best friend from down the street turns out to be much more than a casual buddy. I found this out when I came home early from work and needed my wife to follow me to the garage, to get my truck in.

She wasn’t at home, and on a hunch, I went over to look for her at her new friend’s house. I wasn’t expecting anything bad, so imagine my surprise when her “friend” answered the door with her hair all over the place, bright red cheeks and her shirt on backwards. She looked like she just fell out of bed, and she seemed rather upset to see me.

I yelled for my wife and she yelled back, “Just a minute!” Five minutes later she came out looking dishevelled and sporting her totally guilty look. I know this woman too well to be fooled. She has now admitted they have been “fooling around recently.”

She’s insisting it was “just experimentation” on her part, and it’s really me she loves, but says I’m never home and she’s left all alone. Boohoo! Like it’s my fault?

Why is she at home these days? We were trying start a family and my workaholic wife was taking a break so she’d be less stressed. I know this much: if we weren’t married, I’d take my bleeding heart and walk. What chances are there for us after this? We are both pushing 30. I’m angry and hurting so much.

— Totally Messed Up, Norwood

Dear Messed Up: Cheating is cheating, and it doesn’t matter which sex the affair partner happens to be. Your marriage is in serious trouble and you need to stop trying to have a baby right now — even if you’re trying to patch things up — and go to a marriage counsellor.

No matter what your wife says she’s doing for birth control, also cover it on your side. She may privately think a baby would patch things up, and she’s not known for her honesty, lately.

Guys must be aware that having a baby in a shaky marriage is bad news. If there’s a divorce, they will probably not get primary custody of the child, and the little one will be living under his ex-wife’s roof, possibly with a new mate as the other at-home parent.

As a man, you hold one lucky card regarding family matters. You have lots more time to make babies, so you can afford to look for a new relationship and new love. Your wife, on the other hand, may be feeling the pressure, as her time is more limited, even though she is still in her 20s and has a good number of years left. No matter what arguments she employs, you may want to say bye-bye to this marriage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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