Be glad you shirked jerk but don’t shun new hon

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was walking down the street in Osborne Village when I heard some guy wolf-whistling. I turned slightly and spotted him. It was my ex-boyfriend — quite attractive, but not a classy guy. He was getting ready to jam his fingers back into his big mouth and go at it again. I laughed and shook my head “No.”

He took that as a challenge and came running up. When he grabbed my shoulder, I noticed a ring on his finger and questioned him about it.

He’d just gotten engaged. I asked if I knew the lucky girl and he said I should, and named another girl from our class in college last year.

He then said, “We’re expecting a baby, of course,” as if that’s just the natural progression from dating.

Then he said, “Here she comes now,” and this poor pregnant woman came walking carefully down the street. I felt so sorry for her. He introduced us and she took his arm to steady herself. He wasn’t offering her any kind of support voluntarily.

Finally, she said snidely to him, “Looks like you two might as well get together again.”

I made excuses and ran out of there. But later on, she called me. He’d given her my number. She was crying about him and their pregnancy situation. Poor thing. I felt sorry for her. That could have been me before I smartened up.

She left me with her number and begged me to call her back to talk again. What can I do about her? I feel badly for her and he’s no help.

— Out In Time, Osborne Village

Dear Out In Time: Celebrate the fact you got out of that relationship without a pregnancy. You already know this ex-boyfriend is not going to hang in there to support the new girlfriend and their child. So call her and have lunch with her, and bring a list of all the help available to this young woman for counselling via different services in the city.

Yes, it will take a bit of effort to help her come up with a plan, but you would be doing a good deed and sharing your experiences with this man could make a difference.

Sometimes when people are in need, fate places them before us as we are positioned to help.

So don’t look the other way. Even if you just line up this woman with the right agencies, it will be a kind and loving thing to do.

As for the jerk you two both know intimately, do not welcome him back into your life or let him contact you behind her back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s about two months into the university school year, and I’m so in love with my professor. I don’t think he knows, but I’ll do almost anything to get more of him.

His classes are big and I’ve even sat in on a bunch of extra classes with his other group just to hear him.

I love his bass voice, sly sense of humour, the stories about his homeland and his sexy accent. He’s not wearing a ring and has not mentioned a partner.

I’m crazy about him, but I haven’t even been able to approach him with questions after class — I’m too shy. How do I get to know him better, aside from trying to attend as many extra classes with him as I can — even though I don’t think he knows it. Please help.

— Seriously Crushing on Prof, Winnipeg

Dear Crushing: A lot of young men and women at university — particularly those who don’t know many other students yet — develop crushes on professors after a month or so of their classes. That doesn’t help them to meet other students — the people they could actually get together with and possibly date. They’re just so hungry for connection with another human being, they don’t care how it’s done.

A professor, in the course of teaching, may open up about personal experiences and display a sense of humour. Because of this, lonely new students sometimes start feeling “close” and start showing up at a prof’s office with “questions about the material,” when it’s really it’s just to connect and talk personally.

In our current era, there are codes of conduct for faculty members that bar them from starting intimate relationships with their students. As such, you’re really just wasting time you could be using to connect with classmates who are interested in the same topics, and possibly available for personal relationships.

If someone wants to meet other students, they would be smart to investigate all the clubs and groups available on campus through which to befriend new people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.