Don’t let bitterness isolate and dispirit you

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got out of a relationship a few months ago, and I’m still so hurt that life seems unreal.

The woman I thought I was going to marry cheated on me with an old boyfriend — a real jerk, but very good-looking. I’m still feeling totally crushed.

I worry I won’t be able to trust any woman now. I know that sounds unfair, but I’ve been cheated on twice before, in just five years! I realize it might just be the type of person I’m attracted to — a bit on the wild side — but my most-recent girlfriend wasn’t like that and seemed to have her life together and knew what she wanted. But she was also secretly playing around on me — Mr. Clueless.

I can feel resentment building inside me toward all women. I really don’t want to become one of those bitter guys who ends up single for the rest of his life because they don’t trust anyone. But how do I get over this? Is it even possible or am I going to be a loser who is forever cheated on?

— Jilted and Jaded, Winnipeg Beach

Dear Jilted and Jaded: A good relationship counsellor will help you work through your previous relationships up to the present. This will require some work and patience, but it can be very enlightening and helpful for a person in your situation.

You’ll soon become aware of the positive and negatives sides of the typical people you’re first attracted to. Your counsellor will help you to start avoiding that same type, and steer you towards people that suit you better, and really want you.

Then you’ll need to summon up your courage and get out there, on real dates. You need to meet new people face-to-face in a safe place for both of you. Natural attraction can grow when people are involved together in pastimes they’re passionate about, whether creative endeavours or volunteering for causes that mean something to them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old boyfriend was back in Winnipeg for a visit with his parents and he stopped by in hope of seeing me and my family for a visit.

He called when it was still OK to come by, but then he took his sweet time getting over here, so by then my new boyfriend had shown up for Sunday dinner.

Right after eating, my ex excused himself and left.

My annoyed new boyfriend said to me, “Why did that guy get to stay for dinner with us?”

My dad overheard and said, “Anybody who’s a friend of this family can stay for Sunday dinner or to play cards in my house!”

My new mate has been sulky ever since. I don’t know how to react. Should I just ignore him?

— Caught in the Middle, North End

Dear Caught: You’ll need to have a chat with your new guy about the workings of your family’s inclusive nature.

He may want to consider moving on if he’s that sensitive about old boyfriends showing up, when you and your family don’t really mind.

Some people simply can’t bear any sort of competition.

How would you like it if his old girlfriend stopped by for dinner at his parents’ family dinner?

It might be too early in the game to have exes dropping by casually.

Later on, if you and your new boyfriend are really solid, it might not bother anybody much at all.

Maybe have a word with your dad as well, as he seems to be in charge of Sunday socializing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.