Slam the door on overly aggressive suitor

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend wanted a key to my place and I told him, “Not yet — we just met. It’s too soon.”

So, last night I came home from playing tennis and there he was in my little house sitting in my new recliner. He was eating a bag of chips, drinking a beer and watching TV.

He laughed when he saw my shocked face! Then he said, “Hello, beautiful! I just let myself in. You must be hungry. Can I make you something to eat?”

I said, “You’re acting like you live here, but you don’t. Where did you get my house key? You scared me!”

He said, “You already invited me into your bed, so I’d say we’re going steady, and you’re not seeing anybody else anymore.”

I felt myself go cold. He was basically saying he could just take my extra key whenever he wants — and without my permission!

Rather than argue with him, I went into the bathroom, called my brothers who live a few blocks away, and said, “My new boyfriend stole my extra key, broke into my house and I need him thrown out right now!”

My oldest brother roared, “We’ll be right over.” My new boyfriend overheard, threw the key in my face, and took off! Now what? I feel scared. He had an ugly look on his face.

— Worried, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: This isn’t the kind of guy you tell to “be a good boy” and then hope he will. Call a lawyer. There are legal steps you can take if someone breaks in or enters illegally, is following or stalking you, or won’t leave your home. For instance, you can apply for a protection order that legally prohibits this man from following, contacting or coming anywhere near you. Contact Legal Aid Manitoba (legalaid.mb.ca) who can also help cover the cost of a lawyer, if you qualify financially.

Also, consider getting a roommate or two — even one of your brothers might be good protection and allow you to relax more at home. You don’t need this kind of worry in your abode!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a woman who just arrived up at the lake where I own a cabin, and I really want to tell her to go home!

Fat chance of that happening. It took me a year to get over her with professional help, and now I should get my money back because it didn’t work! As soon as I saw my ex’s face again, I was back at Square 1.

She’s here at the lake now with her husband of several months.

Why would she bring him to what I thought of as “our lake,” where she and I enjoyed so much adventuring and lovemaking, and had so many happy times together?

My ex said hello when she saw me at the beach, in a weird voice. Then she turned to her husband quickly, and actually pushed him in another direction.

Meanwhile, my heart was breaking all over again. I had assumed my ex would not come to where she knows I own a cabin, just out of common decency.

I guess I’m such old news to her now that it doesn’t matter, so I suppose she may think I’m over her, too.

She swore she’d love me until the end of time, but she got “bored.” That’s the curse I live with now. I am a bore to her. I need your advice ASAP.

— Feel Like Beach Garbage, Gimli

Dear Beach Garbage: Sometimes the positive coping strategies acquired during counselling wear off, or the need for them resurfaces suddenly when you suffer another blow, which is what happened to you. Seeing your former love with her new man for the first time was a real shock to your system.

Now you’re comparing yourself to the new man, and you don’t even know him. He may not be a great guy, but you were scrutinizing him walking with your ex and automatically deduced he’s a winner.

He may well be a loser, so enjoy that possibility in your mind!

And take note: any person who can wordlessly swivel their partner in another direction and physically push like your ex did, may not be an overly considerate love partner.

Be glad you happened to spot that low-class move!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography