Don’t keep old flame’s new proximity to yourself

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What a shock! I was watching out my window when a big moving van backed into the driveway of the vacant old mansion right across the street from my husband and me.

New neighbours were finally moving in and I crossed my fingers — maybe they would fix that old place up. Being a snoop, I planted myself on my porch with a pot of tea to watch the show.

Soon, a tall, thin model-type woman arrived and got out of a sports car. She started telling the movers where to put furniture and boxes. Then a half hour later, a big car pulled up — and a familiar-looking guy got out.

It was clearly my boyfriend from high school, but now in his late 30s with greying hair. I quickly called my mother and told her who was going to be my new neighbour. I told her I didn’t know what to do.

She had the nerve to laugh and say, “He never wanted to give you up and I guess he didn’t.”

Not a great joke. Our breakup was very painful and was ordered by our parents over our pregnancy scare in Grade 12.

So now, how do I handle an old love practically moving into my front yard?

So far, I’ve been a chicken and have closed the living room curtains and been spending most of my time toward the back of the house, eating a lot of ice cream to calm myself.

I have not advised my husband as yet about the identity of our new neighbour. Help.

— Quietly Freaking Out, Crescentwood

Dear Freaking Out: Years have passed and this old boyfriend and his wife have the money to buy this big old abode, so you have to know they’re not going to move out again just to make an old girlfriend feel more comfortable.

You think your old love didn’t know where you lived when he bought the place? Chances are good he did, or perhaps his wife was set on living there. No matter what, choose to be kind and classy grown-up neighbours now.

Consider this possibility. Chances are, your old love’s wife may be a lot like you and that would actually be a compliment. Be nice to her, too, even if it bothers you at first.

As for your own husband, let him know what’s what, so he doesn’t get blindsided by a crack from your ex or his wife across the street.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I will be graduating in June and school has been hard for me. I’m determined to get decent marks, but I want a year off after this to work an easy job.

My parents want me to plow right into some kind of career training. My mother thinks I should be a nurse like her, and my dad would like me to go into accounting like him. Give me a break.

I just want a year off to work, relax and save some money. How do I convince them of this?

— Too Much Parent Pressure, South End

Dear Pressure: Study hard for finals this spring and assure your parents you don’t just want a party year. Start looking soon for a decent but not stressful job for the summer, one that allows you to relax and start breathing normally again.

Assure your folks you’ll take some aptitude testing this spring through your school counselling office to see which careers could be a good fit for you. Let mom and dad know you’ll be happy to work and save money to help pay for any necessary career training in a year’s time.

Then carry through on what you want to do, earning their confidence and admiration.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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