Next time, hold off on moving in together

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in shock. I came home unexpectedly from work recently to get something I needed for a project. My girlfriend, who works from home, wasn’t there, and her computer screen was left open — like she ran out in a rush.

I couldn’t help reading it. Apparently she’d been chatting with someone she called “Sweetie,” saying she was “alone and lonely” in her present relationship.

That would be me.

I immediately phoned her, but before I could say anything, she cut me off with, “You know I’m at home working right now, and too busy to talk. I’ll see you at dinner.”

So I said, “I’m at home right now and I don’t see you here. I’m reading a message to some other guy you left up on your screen here saying you’ll be right over.”

She responded, icily, “The apartment’s in my name, so why don’t you just pack up and leave?”

Just like that — no tears, nothing.

I went into autopilot and packed everything of mine I could find, and drove over to my mother’s. Mom’s letting me have my basement bedroom back. Now I’m down here in breakup hell. What should I do?

— Discarded, St. James

Dear Discarded: New young couples — especially hot, passionate ones — sometimes reason it makes no sense to pay two rents when they’re at each other’s place nightly. However, there’s a very good reason for keeping one’s own dwelling. You need more in the pot of romance than just hot chilies. You also need the meat of the relationship, plus friendship and good compatibility of personalities.

Then you need time to rest and refuel, clean up and start to miss each other in a healthy way.

Outside of the intimate relationship, you also need time to do your work, see friends and family and to rest, refuel and think of things other than just the two of you.

Next time out, don’t rush to shack up with a new romantic partner you think you love until you have at least gone through the four seasons together to find out for sure if you’re a real match.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a large man and have an unusual very big, mixed-breed dog, who kind of looks like a small horse. He loves to run and I’m a serious long-distance runner, so we head out of the city and go on runs together, which is great training for me. I love my amazing dog.

Other friendly dog owners with big dogs like to talk with me about his mix of breeds with me, but recently I went on a date with a woman and showed her a photo of my dog. She said, laughing, “Looks like an old work horse and a tall dog had a fling.”

I was so offended I said, “Good thing you brought your own car,” and left. Did I overreact?

— Offended Dog Dad, South St. Vital

Dear Dog Dad: No, that was just an honest reaction. This date’s remark was clearly offensive. She knew you loved your big dog, and she insulted you right to your face. Don’t waste another minute thinking about her. She isn’t worth your precious time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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