Trust your senses; boozing no laughing matter

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/02/2025 (551 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a funny guy at a New Year’s Eve party and he “joked me” into his life. I was intrigued by this hilarious man. We’ve seen each other almost every night since.

But now I’ve started noticing we’re always having a number of cocktails and more than one bottle of wine at dinnertime. On top of that, he has several nightcaps before bed. He has also started teaching me how to layer a cocktail (he’s a former bartender) and what drinks to enjoy before making love so you can lose all your inhibitions.

He obviously loves his booze. He never drinks before he goes to work in the morning (so he says), but he can’t go a whole day or evening without alcohol.

I finally asked him to tell me about his concerning relationship with liquor and he vigorously denied having a problem. He says he’s a light drinker and never gets drunk. Not true.

Now I notice he’s generally chewing gum or sucking on a candy when he picks me up.

When I kiss him, I can taste liquor on his breath. It finally dawned on me that he has been disguising a daily drinking habit.

I haven’t said goodbye to him because he’s so sweet and soft-spoken, and a great lover — not like the loud drunks out there. However, his drinking problem is definitely starting to scare me, but he denies there’s any problem.

Last night, he talked down to me like I was a foolish child, saying “I’m an adult and you’re making the fact I enjoy a drink into a problem. I’m getting tired of it.” I might lose him at this rate. What do you think I should do?

— Anxious and Worried, St. James

Dear Anxious: You see the problem, you smell the problem and you hear this new man simply denying his heavy drinking. It’s up to you to address the problem by yourself, as he doesn’t agree he has one.

That means you’ll have to walk away, even though three-quarters of him is sweet. Why? The other one-quarter will start taking over and could drag you down into a hurtful situation.

Yes, there are nice people who are quiet, gentle alcoholics, but they are always stewed by the end of the day. Their partners end up being turned off mentally, emotionally and sexually.

You’re not yet 100 per cent tied to this guy, but it’s already time to talk to an expert on alcoholism.

The people at Al-Anon (help for friends and loved ones of alcoholics) can refer you to a counsellor before you get any further entangled. Contact Alcoholics Anonymous in Winnipeg (aamanitoba.org) to put you in touch with Al-Anon, or check out al-anon.org.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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