Jealousy no basis for a lasting relationship

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/02/2025 (542 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I just got back together after a colossal fight. I had already returned the little sapphire necklace I bought to give her as a surprise on Valentine’s Day.

She shocked me by apologizing yesterday — lots of tears and begging. I’m a sucker for tears, so we made up perhaps too soon. I woke up this morning, still riding on waves of discontent and feeling kind of sick to my stomach. I really don’t want to give her any kind of ring this Valentine’s Day. Money is not the issue. I’m a songwriter, but I also have a trade and a full-time day job.

Jealousy is really the problem. I found out my girl’s ex-boyfriend has been circling around like a shark, and telling her close friends he wants another chance. I’d like to stick my fist down his throat! I’m not 100 per cent sure I want to be with this woman forever, but I don’t want that jerk to get her.

— So Mixed Up, Fort Richmond

Dear Mixed Up: Feelings of competition and jealousy are bad reasons to put a ring on anybody’s finger. So, buy your girlfriend a piece of jewelry you know she’ll like, but not a ring. That can come later, if you two totally mend things and the relationship thrives.

This year, show yourself some love around Valentine’s Day. Make an appointment to talk to a relationship counsellor by yourself, about your feelings for this woman — the good, the bad and the ugly. An investment of one or more appointments, could help you figure out how you really feel in your heart, and save you a lot of grief.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first husband has come back to the city and has a job with a new branch of his old company. Today I got a call at work from him. I never wanted to share this city with him again.

He has “small man-syndrome” and it was a big deal for him to have a tall model for a girlfriend, like me. I towered over him in my heels and he loved taking me out, dressed to the nines — like I was a big prize he won at a carnival.

He really just used me, and he cheated on me from the beginning.

In the end, I was the one who could have got into legal trouble for losing it on him and beating the little creep with my fists and purse. He deserved it, and he knew it! Luckily, he didn’t want anybody to know how he got the black eye, so he kept quiet.

So now he’s back, and I’m not just going to sit here and take it.

But what can I do?

— Trouble Back in Town, West Kildonan

Dear Trouble: You and your violent hands luckily dodged being charged for assault. Be aware that if you invite another round, this old boyfriend might actually have you charged.

Also, it’s highly likely he has a new girlfriend now, and doesn’t care about what you’re doing anymore. So let this old relationship be gone, and stay gone.

You already know you’re capable of being violent, and you don’t need to put yourself in a position to wind up in jail. It’s time to get professional help and figure out how to find yourself a loving man who’s as big and tough as you are.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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