You’re right to be told off for toying with heart

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This article was published 29/01/2025 (611 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Just for a laugh I asked my old boyfriend from high school out for lunch on Valentine’s Day. He lost it on the phone and said, “A thousand times no! You broke my heart, and I can’t afford to be with you again, period.”

Then he hung up. Bang! That was pretty rude, don’t you think?

— Red-Faced Ex, Fort Garry

Dear Red-Faced: It sounds like you got a piece of truth thrown at you, and you deserved it! You were looking for was an ego massage from a guy who still might be half in love with you.

You asked this ex out for kicks — a little excitement at his expense. No wonder he was mad! It hurts people to be revisited by an old love who wants to toy with their heart.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help! I want to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for my sweetheart that will satisfy her. But sadly for her, it’s not going to be the engagement ring she really wants!

She’s a tall woman with long elegant fingers, and I know she wants a big diamond ring, but it’s too soon for me to know if I want to make this relationship permanent.

Plus, I will not be hustled off to her church. Why? I’ve been down a church aisle before and I’m already divorced from wife No. 1.

Would diamond earrings satisfy my new lady, or would that just make things worse? I could buy her fancy diamond heart earrings, and money is not a problem.

At least, tell me if I should warn her she’s not getting an engagement ring or should I just keep my mouth shut and let her find out that night? The thing is, we’re going to her favourite restaurant on Feb. 14 (her idea), so she might be hoping I’m going to ask her to marry me. No!

— Not Ready Engagement, Fort Whyte

Dear Not Ready: Look, nobody wants to get married to someone who isn’t 100 per cent sure, and that includes her. She knows you’ve been married already. But this doesn’t mean jewelry is a no-no from you.

Say something right away like, “I’m not ready for another engagement, but I’d love to give you a beautiful piece of jewelry on Valentine’s Day. How would you feel about that?” You might be disappointed, or you might be relieved by her answer. There might be nothing to stop her from accepting a bracelet or a pendant decorated with her birthstone, if she likes that.

So stop guessing and have a real discussion with your lady, ASAP.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Valentine’s Day and he said, “A tour around your old neighbourhood you’ve told me about — good places and bad!”

Why would he ask for that strange thing? Does he think I’m making stuff up? I wasn’t.

It was never a nice old neighbourhood, and it’s worse now. I feel embarrassed, like he was asking me to show him how bad my former life was. What do you think?

— Upset and Curious to Know, Osborne Village

Dear Curious: It may be this boyfriend is genuinely interested in you and wants to see the setting of your past life. That doesn’t mean he’ll think any less of you. What it may mean is he really cares, and he’s deeply interested in what you’ve been through when times were difficult. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother got pregnant with me on Valentine’s night 16 years ago and I can’t tell you how many times she’s told me that. I don’t want to think about her in the process of getting pregnant with my dad! Why does she do this, and what can I say back to her, to get her to finally stop?

— Sick of It! Birds Hill

Dear Sick of It: Don’t yell, but use clear words: “Mom, it makes me feel embarrassed to think about you and dad having sex, even if it created me. I am the wrong person to be sharing this with, so share those memories with dad from now on. I don’t want to hear them again!”

She may call you “oversensitive,” but she’ll stop. It’s possible the reason she’s been reminding you, is because she likes to think about it — and your dad has already heard the old story too often.

Suggest to mom that one of her old girlfriends might enjoy exchanging similar stories, rather than her daughter.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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