You’re right to be teed off about wife’s risky driving

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This article was published 13/08/2024 (768 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new bride likes to golf, but I think she uses the sport as an excuse to stay out and drink after work — two or three times a week now! She tells me “the girls” have a rule not to answer their phones on the course, so I can’t even reach her there.

I had no idea my wife would turn out like this, but all it took was joining a club and meeting this new group. Last week she came home drunk again, twice, claiming her friends drove her and her car back here safely. A total lie. I was sitting by the window the last time she was out, reading and watching out for her.

I saw her driving her own car, and parking crookedly. I don’t even want to sleep in the same room with her when she smells like booze.

How did I end up like this? My mother was an alcoholic and I should have seen the signs. What’s the matter with me?

— Should Have Known Better, Transcona

Dear Should Have Known: Is your wife actually an alcoholic like your mom, or may she be “partying too much” twice a week in the summer? Before you jump to conclusions and think you have to split up, consider calling your wife out on the issue, particularly on the drinking and driving.

But don’t hastily label her an alcoholic, like your mother. Ask her nicely to cut back a day on the golfing, but absolutely insist she stops driving after drinks on the course. That could mean leaving her car at work, getting a ride to the golf course and then booking a taxi or ride-share home. You could gift her with the ride money, so she doesn’t cheap out and get an inebriated friend to drive her home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I started dating a guy a few months ago and he treated me like gold for the first month. I thought he might be “the one.” He was so sweet, so thoughtful, so kind. I have never experienced anything like it with other guys!

But then he started asking for loans, starting small. I must admit he pays them back fairly quickly, but I added it up, and he’s borrowed almost $300 in total in the last two months. He always says the loan is just “until he gets paid.”

I have my suspicions about what the money is for. He has an older-model fancy car and often says the money is for fixing it. But the amounts are too small and just don’t correspond.

I have no way of checking to see if that’s where the money is going, but I have started to worry he might be hiding something like a drug addiction. What do you think?

— Not His Banker, St. Boniface

Dear Not His Banker: It’s a bad sign when a new person’s behaviour slides like this, especially in the first few months of a relationship, as that’s when most people are being their best selves.

Since you’re finding his continual borrowing unattractive, it’s a good time to push off. You have to wonder what lies ahead with this kind of guy. If he can ask for $300 in the first few months — for drugs, gambling, to make rent or whatever — he doesn’t have much pride. Plus, he wouldn’t be a good person to cohabit with, or even a worthy marriage partner.

It’s smart for people in the dating game to take the hints they’re given in the beginning, and you’ve been getting strong ones. It’s time to say “bye-bye, firefly.” You’re just wasting time you could spend looking for someone who has his act together, and that definitely includes his financial situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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