Clear up grey areas with rousing blast from past

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/08/2024 (786 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a state of shock. I was leaving a concert and saw the love of my life from the 1990s — now a gorgeous middle-aged man with grey streaks in his hair. He looked kind of like his dad did when we were dating — tall, handsome, larger than life, like a movie star.

He asked me out for a drink and I took a look at his hand — no ring.

Also, my girlfriend had already gone to her car to head home, so I thought, why not? What can it hurt? It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and I’m divorced and free.

So I went — and I can think of nothing else since. We didn’t do anything bad but we talked for two hours before he kissed me goodbye and blew my mind.

I should have married him in the first place, but we were way too young.

The problem now is he didn’t say anything about seeing me again. Should I call him? I know where he works because he gave me his business card. I’m pulling my own grey hairs out one by one.

— High School Sweetheart, St. James

Dear High School Sweetheart: Give your hair a break. Call this gorgeous man and find out what’s what. First off, you’ll need to ask him why he drifted away. But don’t call him late at night when people tend to be less rational and less prone to telling the truth.

Chances are good this old ex could actually be with somebody, even though he’s not wearing a ring. But there is the off chance both of you are free — and you wouldn’t want to miss that chance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is getting to be a better liar, but she still hasn’t quite made the grade and now she’s blown it big-time.

She told me she was going up to our cottage by herself because I was too busy to go and she was disappointed. It sounded like a lie.

She never goes anywhere by herself. I also found it kind of suspicious she was singing a sappy love song while she was packing, and seemed suspiciously happy. Then it dawned on me: she wasn’t going alone. I asked her who was going with her, and she finally said it was “nobody interesting,” a woman from work who had been to our house before.

That woman was the dullest woman I ever met and dressed like a guy. Anyway, off my wife went to meet her and I wasn’t the least bit worried.

But when my wife came back from the lake, she kept humming that little song from when she was packing. Later that evening I ran into a woman at our grocery store who always flirts with me. She told me she saw my ex-wife at the lake and said she was sorry things didn’t work out.

I replied, “What? I didn’t break up with my wife.” She turned red and took off down the aisle.

I went home and raised holy hell. I got the truth, fast. My wife is having a thing with this co-worker who went with her to our cottage.

I raised my hand and told her she couldn’t see her again or she would regret it. She was scared and cried, and said OK. Now she says she hardly talks to that woman at work. I don’t trust that.

My wife has a low-paying job and can’t afford to live in a house on her own, and I won’t let someone else take my woman away from me. How can I force her to see the light?

— Nobody’s Fool, West End

Dear Nobody’s Fool: Fearing you is not the same as loving you. You act like your marriage partner is your possession — like you own her and have rights over her freedom and her bodily safety.

Accept this fact: you don’t love or respect your wife and she doesn’t want to be with you now.

Also, you can’t legally lay a hand on her or force her to stay with you. Even if she doesn’t have much money, she can get legal representation from an organization such as Legal Aid Manitoba.

Also, in our times, you should be well aware she is free to be with any partner she wants, no matter if they’re gay or straight.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography