A bit of self-love and having fun prove attractive

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/08/2024 (749 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: After my last breakup — a bad one in July — my psychologist convinced me I needed to fall in love with myself again before I went looking for another partner. He suggested “a bucket list.”

I thought that was probably nonsense, but it also sounded a bit like fun so I said OK. I agreed to make a list of 100 things I wanted to see and do before I kicked the bucket.

Word got out and suddenly people close to me wanted to contribute. My sister joined in, as did a couple of my single friends, and we quickly came up with 100 things in a couple of sessions, along with some drinks of course.

I must confess we cheated a bit by also looking up other people’s crazy lists online and borrowing the best ideas.

Greatest thing of all? We’ve started doing the best of the summer ideas and we’re having so much fun we’re not even looking very hard for guys yet. But when guys hear about what we’re doing they always want to talk to us!

— Bucket Lists are the Answer, Gimli

Dear Bucket List: Having a crazy list of fun activities takes the worry out of being single — and also attracts new people to you. How? They think you’d probably be a fun dating partner, or at least a valuable new friend.

Keep that list nearby and keep building it — why stop at 100 ideas? During lulls on the beach between swims, it’s also fun to add to your list with group suggestions. If it rains, people will have fun taking shelter with you and sharing fun ideas.

Bucket lists are a great small-group activity for the lake, backyard, park or even on long drives in the car.

Post copies of your lists at home, particularly in the kitchen and bathroom. Your brain, which is always looking for anything new and interesting to explore, will surely drum up new ideas to add.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just went to my high school reunion for one main reason — to finally see my teenage love again. After Grade 12, my girlfriend and I were packed off to two different universities by our worried parents because we’d had one pregnancy scare already.

I missed her like crazy but after one or two months of sad letters she said not to write anymore, as she was getting depressed by them.

That totally shocked me! I went through a lot of pain but never tried to contact her again to respect her wishes.

Then, at our recent reunion, we ran into one another. We spent the whole first day of the reunion’s activities together. But then the strangest thing happened — a young woman showed up to join her, and they obviously were way more than just friends!

When they slow-danced together at the first party — an old-fashioned “sock hop” in the high-school gym — I was shocked. Miss L., my old girlfriend is a lesbian, I guess! Why? She was perfectly happy with me when we were together. Maybe it’s a phase?

She’s gone back to her city where she’s already working at a good job and has a new life. Now what can I do? What really happened?

— Shocked Former Boyfriend, Osborne Village

Dear Shocked: Your high-school sweetie was waiting for her current love partner to arrive at the reunion but didn’t warn you. Why? Maybe she wanted to soak up a little of your old admiration.

She should have told you right away that she had someone new — a female partner— who was coming to be with her.

It may be easier to find new love when this old girlfriend no longer has a grip on your heart of any kind, so consider getting some counselling to finally let her go.

Then you can send yourself back into the fray with an open heart, and search for a new mate, who totally wants a man like you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography